


Stage Lights

by Chiechie97



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chiechie97/pseuds/Chiechie97
Summary: When Lily decided to go to college for poetry and literature, she always imagined she would spend her mid-twenties curled up in cozy cafe’s in Edinburgh’s city center, writing her soon to be classic novel.The last place she expected to be was on the crew bus of a rockband’s tour entourage. Lily Evans had expected a much less chaotic existence by this point in her life. But then again, when she had agreed to help her friend Remus write a few songs for his band she hardly expected them to blow up. And the drummer of the marauders, as infuriating as he is good looking, is making her blood boil in more ways than one.*MODERN AU*
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 36
Kudos: 82





	1. Don Julio

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you feel like :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is _Last night_ by the strokes

When Lily decided to go to college for poetry and literature, she always imagined she would spend her mid-twenties curled up in cozy cafe’s in Edinburgh’s city center, writing her soon to be classic novel. 

The last place she expected to be was on the crew bus of a rockband’s tour entourage. 

No, Lily Evans had expected a much less chaotic existence by this point in her life. But then again, when she had agreed to help her friend Remus write a few songs for the new band he and his roommates had thrown together, she hardly expected them to blow up. Lily also didn’t expect that when they did blow up, she would be offered the biggest cheque she had ever seen to be a full-time songwriter and ‘media director’ (she just went over what to say and what not to say in interviews because she was ‘sensible’ apparently). Lily barely got to write things of her own anymore, so much of her time was eaten up by the Marauder’s next album. She couldn’t remember the last time she had cracked open her little red and gold notebook of stories.

But she supposed that was the price of friendship and the price of keeping her dad in a private care home. 

“Lily, you need to sleep,” Her best friend and tour manager, Marlene, said groggily from the bunk across from her.

“We’re heading to New York tomorrow, and that’s going to be a hellish show.” 

Lily couldn’t help but grimace. She HATED North American tours, well, at least the American portion of it. She didn’t mind Canada too much. They did share a Queen, after all. 

New York was always insane. Fans would pack the streets in mobs, often locking them into the busses for hours until the police could clear the roads. Not to mention the TV shows and interviews that seemed to take centuries. New York meant one thing for sure; no sleep.

Who would have thought four boys from the South of England would be as big as they were, especially all the way in America. Remus, Peter, Sirius and James or Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs as they were fondly referred to by fans and themselves alike. The college nicknames had stuck. When Remus had first brought her to one of their shows, she had been pleasantly surprised, they were good, and they had only gotten better with time. Sirius was the most charismatic frontman she had ever seen. It helped that his vocals and guitar playing skills were as killer as his looks. Remus had been playing the bass since he was a kid. Though he had started out on the classical bass, he had picked up the electric bass guitar super fast. Peter was also a great guitar player, but he was even better on the piano when the song called for it, he was also a huge softie, and aside from Remus, she probably spent the most time around him. And then there was James. James ‘I can’t go for more than ten seconds without touching my hair’ Potter. The only good thing Lily could say was that he was an incredible drummer, probably the best in modern rock history. But would SHE ever tell HIM that? No. His ego didn’t need any more stoking. He was the cockiest, most arrogant, biggest headed prat she had ever had the displeasure of meeting. 

Lily had disliked him from the moment they met at freshers week when he had laughed when she told him what she studied. After all, he was SO much better because HE studied engineering. 

Remus had dragged her out of that party pretty quick, though she supposed throwing her drink and Remus’s drink on his new roommate wasn’t the best idea. 

But Remus and James’s friendship worked out. Flat 501 in Gryffin tower residence at the University of Edinburgh quickly became THE place to be. It had good parties, good drinks, and most importantly, good music, often supplied by the very residents of the apartment.

Lily would have been able to avoid the flat more if she wasn’t childhood friends with Remus and her new roommate and instant best friend, Marlene, who also happened to be childhood friends with James and Sirius. The flat was unavoidable. And those parties were infamous. That was where she saw James and Sirius charm the pants off of any girl that walked into their flat. Something that Lily was quick to turn her nose up at. Sirius had long joked that she was “Prongs and Padfoot proof,” to which she would respond, “great, they can use me to create a vaccine.”

And did she enjoy being on tour with them? The easy answer would be no, to make herself feel better, of course. But truth be told, she loved travelling to different cities and countries, and the crew was terrific. Plus, she got to spend endless time with Remus and Marlene, so that was a huge plus. 

The downsides, though. Oh, the downsides. Screaming fans, exhaustion, a steady diet of gas station food, not getting to see her family for months at a time. Oh, and James. 

Now, did they need their songwriter on tour? That was a question she had hotly debated with Remus, but the truth was their best songs were written on tour. And while the other boys did contribute to the songwriting, nothing went on the album without going through her first. Those albums were her babies as much as they were the boys, though can babies have babies? Cause ¾ of the boys were babies.

Which is why she needed to sleep. You can’t take care of babies on no sleep.

* * *

The New York Skyline greeted her as she tumbled out of her bunk for a breakfast of cheerios and stale coffee.

Luckily the tour crew was big enough that the girls on tour had their own bus. She and Mar shared with Alice and Cleo, the stylists/hair and makeup crew, as well as Taylor, and Jess, who worked lighting and sound.

Their bus was pretty clean, though seven girls on one tour bus were still caused for some chaos. Lily went home from every tour, losing at least two clothing items and gaining four more that weren’t hers.

“Morning Lils,” Cleo sang, her Aussie accent far too chipper for Lily to handle after a night of minimal sleep.

“Morning,” Lily yawned, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Just so you know, the boys were asking for you and Mar, so prepare yourself.” Cleo continued shooting the redhead a sympathetic look.

When the boys asked to see her and Marlene this early in the morning, it meant they had done something and were going to try and talk themselves out of it.

“Is she already there?”

“Yep.”

“Well, better get a move on then,” she sighed, pulling her crew jumper on over her pyjamas. The cold New York morning air brushed against her bare legs. Maybe she should have changed out of her PJ shorts or taken her hair out of the sleep-mussed plait it was currently in, but frankly, she didn’t care. 

Dragging herself onto the boy’s tour bus, she was met with the smell of liquor and cigarettes. And there in the middle of the kitchen/ seating area, sat four very guilty looking lads. One of whom was sporting a big black eye.

“What did you do” she deadpanned, looking right at Sirius. 

“Why did you look at me?” he cried defensively. 

“Because if something happens to Potter, you’re either in the same boat or at the other end of it.” 

“Okay, fair point,” he shrugged.

James was sporting a massive black eye and a cut lip. 

“You know people are going to speculate,” Marlene sighed, scrubbing a hand across her pretty face, “and of course, you’re on Good Morning America tomorrow.”

“What happened?” Lily questioned, now looking at Remus and Peter, who could generally be trusted with the truth

“I fell,” James interjected, “simple as that.”

“Except it never is with you,” Lily cut back, shooting him a glare. “You look like you were in a fight, and that’s exactly what the media is going to say.”

“Peter?” Marlene drawled, noticing his resolve cracking 

“Sirius broke a bottle over Jame’s head!” Peter blurted out, he had a not so subtle crush on the blonde, “James dared him, said it would be a laugh, they were play fighting.”

“Yeah, cause we’re all laughing so much.” Lily sighed, slumping down on the nearest chair, “Jesus, I need a drink.”

“Well, we have plenty of those!” Sirius sang, “Oi, prongs, get the lady a beverage.”

“No. I’m going back to bed,” Lily announced, standing up before anyone could try and hand her a drink at nine in the morning (cause, in all honesty, she probably would drink it). “I’ll think of a story. Take it, and don’t deviate from it. Got it?”

Remus and Peter nodded. Sirius winked, James scoffed, turning away from her disapproving glare.

“And put ice on that face,” she called out, her back to them.

As the girls left their tour bus, Remus turned to James, who was looking seriously put off. 

“You know, being a drunk idiot is not going to do anything to repair Lily’s opinion of you.”

“Who says I want her to repair that opinion” he seethed, standing up to grab an icepack from the busses mini freezer.

“The fact that every time you wank you think of her,” Sirius snorted, tossing the guitar pic he had been fiddling with at his mate. 

“I do NOT!”

“Mate, the only reason the song Red Devil isn’t on the album is because songs go through Lily, and it’s very clearly about her,” Remus interjected, fixing his friend with a knowing look.

“Red and Green, So stop and go. Your eyes tell me yes, but your mouth tells me no. Cut me with your words, but real me in with your flames. Oh, red devil, please tell me you feel the same?” Sirius sang, eyes sparkling with barely concealed laughter. “Really mate, you need to either find a bird who doesn’t hate you or just shoot your damn shot.”

“There’s no shot to shoot,” James said, somewhat defeatedly. 

“Perhaps if you deflated your head a bit?” Remus suggested, “that’s a suggestion from the red devil herself.”

James threw Sirius’s guitar pick at him.

* * *

Lily was ready to throw something, and whoever it hit would just have to deal.

She HATED morning shows. She also hated shows with a live audience because live audiences meant screaming, and she HATED screaming. 

The boys were in hair and makeup, and up to their usual tricks, charming the Good Morning America makeup artists. Sirius had the man doing his makeup flushing deep red, and the girl doing James’s was letting her hand linger on his arm a little longer than was probably necessary. 

“All good, Lils?” Remus asked, coming up behind his friend. Remus was always fast in the makeup chair. 

“Peachy.”

“Don’t worry, Pete and I drilled the story into them,” Remus assured her, taking her shoulders in his hand. “While loading the bus, an unsecured guitar case opened, and the head of a guitar clocked Prongs in the face. They’re sharp and heavy. It’s a good story, and it will work.”

She just groaned, dropping her head to the side to rest on her friend’s hand. “I still need that drink.”

“We’ll have one after the show tonight, I promise. I’ll find a way to uber eats mojitos if necessary.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise.” He held up his pinky for her to take.

“three minutes till your on! We need you on the set.” A PA shouted into their dressing room

“That’s our cue,” Sirius said, jumping up from the chair, shooting the makeup artist a last wink. 

“Wish us luck, red!” he called out as he followed Remus.

“Break a leg, I mean it,” she called back, rolling her eyes at him.

“There’s that Lily charm,” he grinned, shooting her a wink that would be sure to make the audience melt. 

As much as she detested morning shows, the boys were good at them, and they always brought favourable press.

They charmed the hosts and the audience like there was no tomorrow. And she already knew the tweets and articles were going to come flooding in about it.

“So James, your eye!” The host exclaimed, “playing the bad boy?”

“Hardly! I wish I could say it was some epic brawl,” James laughed easily. “I lost a fight with an ill-secured guitar. Bugger fell out of its carrier and clocked me on the face!”

The audience and the host laughed, melding to his charm. She loathed to admit it, but she could see why. James, for all his faults, was incredibly handsome. Tall, olive-skinned, dark-haired, bright hazel eyes and a jawline to cut you were what the girls on the fan sights would sigh dreamily about. But that would NOT work on Lily Evans, no sir.

“And of course, I have to ask for the ladies and gents in the audience,” the other host said “does anyone here have anyone special? Are we all single?”

“Well, I’ve been meaning to announce this, actually,” James said sincerely.

Lily felt her breath catch in her throat. Was he about to make a huge announcement she didn’t know about?

“Petey and I are planning our wedding. We’re still fighting about who gets to wear the dress, but he just won’t admit my calves look better in heels.”

The audience broke out into peals of laughter.

Lily couldn’t help but smile too.

That was another thing the boys were good at. NO shagging on tour. It made things messy. They had learned that the hard way when they were on their first college tour. 

Being a celebrity meant anyone you did anything with meant NDA’s, and they didn’t exactly have a lawyer that could be there anytime they wanted to get someone between the sheets.

Holywood parties were fine. It was an unspoken rule that you don’t talk about what happened at those. If you did, that was a sure-fire way to make sure you never got invited back, or anywhere else for that matter. 

And for that, she was grateful. The only publicity crisis she had really had to tackle involving relationships was when Sirius broke up with this Swedish model. He hadn’t held back on his Instagram captions. Things somehow sounded harsher in Swedish. 

The boys had spun it, though, and the song Bottle Blonde topped the international charts for nearly a month. They also recorded a version in Swedish.

By the time the interview ended, Lily was itching to get back to the hotel. She hated what came after these talk shows, being piled into a car while shrieking fans pounded on the windows, holding up their Instagram and Twitter handles on pieces of paper. It made her claustrophobic.

“Lily, you should head down to the car now before it gets crazy,” Frank, the boy’s head of security, suggested. He knew how she hated the crowds. 

“Right, you are Frank.” she sighed, grabbing her’s and the boy’s bags. 

Climbing into the back of the unmarked black car, lily smoothed her skirt over her thighs. Fans had yet to come around to the blocked-off parkade where guests entered and exited, but they would eventually. It was always best not to be seen getting into the car with the boys. And while the most dedicated fans knew who she was and who every other girl was that came into contact with the band, the less media attraction she got, the better. One time while they were on break, she and Remus had gone to visit his mother, who was going through chemo, and they were papped while leaving the hospital. The pregnancy rumours swirled for WEEKS. In that instance, she had been grateful for the dedicated Twitter stans who quickly jumped in to remind the world she was a childhood friend and that Remus had spoken about a sick family member at a benefit concert they had given for that same hospital.

Pulling out her phone, she began scrolling through Twitter, and sure enough, the fans were going wild for this morning’s interview. GIFS and photos were flying across her feed. She stopped on one image, in particular, a slow-motion GIF of James running his tongue along his bottom, bruised up lip before biting it gently.

Damn his looks, she thought bitterly.

And how did they make these so quickly?

All the Twitter comments were about how much of a bad boy he was, and “I’m going to explode. He’s so freaking hot, especially with a black eye!” 

Lily just snorted, tucking her phone back into her bag. Maybe James should keep getting bottles smashed over his head. It was evidently good publicity.

The door to the car opened, and in rushed the boys and Frank, who knocked on the partitioned glass to let the driver know they needed to move.

“Well, that was fun,” Sirius grinned “we should do it more often.”

“You say that before we drive through the masses,” James grimaced, shooting a wary look at the crowd of fans now gathering outside the gate.”I’m always terrified someone’s going to get hurt.”

Lily couldn’t help the surprised noise she made

“What?” he asked her, seemingly confused by her response.

“I just didn’t expect you to say that is all” she shrugged. 

“What? That I don’t want someone to get hurt?” he asked, looking somewhat affronted. “I’m not heartless.”

“I never said you were!” she debated. 

“Well, you clearly think I am,” he huffed, leaning back in his seat and turning away from her.

Lily felt her blood beginning to boil, and as she opened her mouth to say something, she felt a hand grip her wrist.

Sirius let go of her wrist but shook his head and mouthed, ‘just leave it.’

* * *

The first New York show went well.

Shows always went well. 

They were bright, energetic, and made the crowd scream for more long after the band had left the stage.

It had been an especially energetic show for sure. James had played the drums so furiously he broke multiple sets of sticks, tossing them into the screaming crowds before picking up the next doomed set. It was a miracle he didn’t break the drums.

“Jesus, what’s gotten into him” Marlene quipped, watching him chuck another pair of drumsticks into the crowd. “Looks like someone told him Arsenal was shite.”

Lily felt a swirl of guilt, remembering how offended he’d looked in the car. 

“I’m afraid I might have something to do with that,” Lily sighed, taking a swig from her water bottle.

“How hard did you knock his ego? Did you tell him you can’t be a sexy bad boy if you still get gold stars from the tour manager?” Marlene laughed

“I’m sorry. Did you say he gets gold stars from you?”

“Do not tell him I told you.”

“I won’t tell him who told me, but it is good blackmail material.”

“Lily, don’t change the subject. What did you say to him?”

Lily sighed, fidgeting with her crew jumper’s string, feeling quite bad about the situation now. 

“When we were leaving Good Morning America, he said he hated being in the car because he was scared someone was going to get hurt. You know how fans crowd around the car?”

Marlene nodded

“Well, I was surprised he said that. I don’t know. It just surprised me. I wasn’t expecting THAT to be the reason.” she confided, “and I feel like a terrible person.” 

“You aren’t a terrible person,” Marlene said, gripping her friend’s hand. “I know you think James is an egotistical prick, which granted he can sometimes be, well a lot of the time, to be fair, but he’s ridiculously noble. He cares far too much and shows it far too little. He’s always been like that.”

Lily groaned, leaning back against the faded dressing room couch. “I should apologize, shouldn’t I?”

“Up to you,” Marlene shrugged “he’ll forgive you by tomorrow. After all, he does think the sun shines out of your arse.”

“I do wish you would give that theory a rest.”

“Which theory? That Remus is secretly a werewolf, or that James is painfully in love with you?”

Lily rolled her eyes at her friend. “If James were in love with me, he wouldn’t be such a-”

“Prick?” Marlene interrupted, “that’s how I know he likes you. He doesn’t know how to handle girls who are completely in charge. Honestly, you could ask him if he wanted to get pegged, and he would get down on all fours.”

“Marley!” 

The blonde just held her hands up. “All I’m saying is you’re in charge, and that’s what’s got him. I’m sure he gets off on being not wanted.” 

A final roar of the crowd indicated that the Mauraders had finished their last encore, and a moment later, four sweaty lads trouped into the dressing room. 

“Damn, that was a good show!” Peter laughed, flopping into a chair. “Prongs, you were on fire, mate.”

“Yeah, we’re going to have to buy a new case of drumsticks,” Marlene scoffed, fixing her friend with a pointed look “next time you want to drum away pent-up sexual energy, run a mile first.”

James had his back to them, but Lily could see the tips of his ears colour slightly.

“I’m going to get on the bus,” Lily announced, getting up and moving toward the door, “and good show, boys, you did really well.”

Marlene also got up from the couch. “I’ll follow her out, get changed, you lot smell.”

As the girls left the room, three pairs of eyes swivelled to James, who was doing his best to avoid the gazes of his three best friends. 

“Oi, James,” Sirius said, tossing his shirt at his best mate.

“What?”

“What? What do you mean ‘what?’ You broke seven pairs of drumsticks. You alright, mate?”

James sighed, leaning forward and gripping the table in front of him. “Moony, does she really think I’m that terrible?”

Remus clapped his friend on the shoulder. “Lily doesn't hate anyone if that's what you mean. Well, maybe Snape, but that's beyond the point.”

“Don't mention that git,” James sneered, his knuckles white against the edge of the table. “If I'm in the same boat as him, I’ll hurl myself off the shard.”

“You aren't,” Remus assured him, “Look, you haven't exactly made the best impression of yourself. You can be a bit egotistical, calm down the ego, be normal James around her, not rockstar McSexgod James.”

“You think I’m a sex god Moony?”

“Oh shut it, you know what I mean.” he laughed, “just be normal, talk about football, the environment, how you hate the tories. That will get you in a better position,” Remus suggested, cuffing his friend across the back of the head affectionately. “Lily and I are having drinks in my room tonight. You’re welcome to join.”

“I don't want to make her uncomfortable,” James refused, pulling his sweaty shirt off. “I’ll start tomorrow. Lily is going to meet normal James, and she’s going to like him.”

“Wasnt aware there was a normal James,” Sirius quipped, wiping eyeliner off his face.

“Well, there is,” Peter piped up. “He’s just been crushed under the weight of James’s ego.”

“Shut it, Wormtail,” James laughed.

* * *

The bus ride out of the stadium was hell. It always was. 

Fans and paparazzi crowded the bus, hammering on the sides.

Lily’s approach to dealing with this was putting in her headphones, bring out her notebook, and dive into her writing. It was the only way to truly tune out the screaming of the crowds outside.

It took them nearly an hour to get to the hotel. The crowds were so thick it took the whole security team to get the lads out of the bus, and even after they were all tucked inside the 10th floor of the Plaza, they could still hear the screams of the fans outside. That was another plus of tour, when they were in a city for more than one night they would get to stay in hotels, and they were NICE hotels too. The record label would rent out whole floors for the band and crew, which meant at least sometimes they got a good sleep.

Marlene was asleep back in their shared room, while lily lounged on the sofa in Remus's. He had ordered a tray full of Mojitos, and lily was on her sixth.

“You guys were brill tonight, you know,” she commended, “honestly, you were on fire.”

“I think you mean James was on fire.” Remus laughed, taking a sip of his drink. “I don't think I've ever seen him so fired up.”

“I have a feeling I had something to with that,” Lily sighed, guilt creeping back into her gut. “I shouldn't have been rude to him in the car earlier.”

“He is a good bloke, Lils. He just has a hard time showing it sometimes.”

“So I’ve been told,” she mumbled. “You know, Sirius was also on fire.” 

“I suppose he was,” her friend blushed, suddenly finding the ice in his glass very interesting.

While Sirius was open about his sexuality, perhaps a bit TOO open sometimes, Remus was not. Sirius the bisexual king fans would gush. And while Sirius was out and proud, Remus was very much still in the closet. The only people who knew were her and James. She was still cross James had found out before her.

She knew how hard it was for Remus, especially cause fans loved to ship, and they loved to ship him with the very guy he’d had a crush on since third year.

“You should talk to Sirius,” she said, downing the rest of her drink. “I have a sneaking suspicion he might feel the same way.”

Remus scoffed, “have you seen the guys he dates or the girls? I’m nowhere near as good looking.”

Lily chucked a couch cushion at him. “Remus! You are a handsome boy!”

“Okay, mom.”

“I’m serious!” She cried, “you should go talk to him now.”

“You’ve had too many Mojitos,” He laughed, plucking her empty glass out of her hand, “and I’m cutting you off.”

“I’m perfectly sober.”

“Hardly.”

“I am,” she insisted.

“Well, then you’ll be in good shape to go to bed,” he laughed, hauling her up from the couch.

“Are you kicking me out?”

“Yes, because I need to sleep, and so do you.”

“Fine,” Lily relented, moving toward the door. “But you should go talk to him.”

“Goodnight Lily”

“Goodnight, Remus.”

As he shut the door behind her, she eyed the door down the hall. The door she knew was James’s.

0 Mojitos Lily would have just walked past.

2 Mojitos Lily would have just walked past.

4 Mojitos Lily might have made a rude gesture at the door.

But 6 Mojitos Lily wanted to have a chat. 

Marching over to his the door, Lily knocked firmly, ready to have out their differences. 

She was mighty surprised when Sirius, not James, answered the door. “Lily! What can I do for you?”

“You aren't James.”

“Thank god.”

“Where is he?” She asked, swaying slightly and steadying herself on the doorpost. 

“Oi prongs, there’s a disgruntled fan at the door,” he called back into the room.

James came around the corner, wearing just his boxers. “Frank wouldn't let anyone get on this floor-” he stopped, catching sight of Lily in the doorway. He was also wearing his glasses. He usually wore contacts on stage and for interviews but tended to wear his glasses off stage. This was exceptionally irritating because he looked ridiculously good in glasses. 

“Is there something we can help you with?” Sirius smirked, catching sight of Lily’s blush. She couldn't help it; drumming was clearly a good workout.

“Sirius, would you mind leaving? I need to have a chat with him,” Lily said, patting Sirius’s shoulder. 

“Please stay, Padfoot.”

“Remus said he wanted to see you in his room.” She blurted, knowing Remus was going to murder her in the morning.

“That’s my cue. Good luck, Prongs.” 

“Sirius!”

But he was already gone.

“Come in, I guess,” James said, feeling incredibly awkward. Lily had seen him in his pants before, but that had been in a busy dressing room, and all the lads had been in various states of undress. In this case, they were alone in his hotel room, and she was wearing his band's jumper and red silk PJ shorts. He could practically hear his heart thumping.

“Would you mind if I put some trousers on?” he asked.

“Please do,” she said, sitting down on the couch, curling her long legs underneath her. 

He pulled on a pair of sweatpants before turning back to her. 

“What can I do for you?” he asked, wringing his hands. He wasn't used to feeling out of control, and the way Lily was staring him down made him feel awkward.

“I don't think you’re heartless,” she blurted out. “And I don't like that you think I do.”

“Oh,” he said, surprised, “okay.”

“And I’m tired of arguing. I get that you don’t think very highly of me, but-”

“Don't think highly of you?” he interrupted. “Jesus Lily, what makes you think that?”

“You’re always snarky.” she frowned. 

“I’M snarky?” He faltered, running a hand through his hair, “Evans, you don’t exactly have warm words for me.”

“That’s not true!” she defended 

“‘James, how have you not drowned under the weight of your ego? You’re the biggest prat I’ve ever met. You’re the biggest man child to ever find a drum and bang on it’” he quoted, listing off the things she had said to him in the past two weeks. 

“Well, in fairness, you are a prat,” she huffed, though she did seem a bit embarrassed. 

“Why do YOU hate me,” he asked.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Well, you certainly dislike me.”

“We don’t exactly have the best history,” she snapped.

He felt guilt flood his system. She was right, he had been such a dick on their first meeting that she had thrown not one but two drinks on him. And then there was the incident with Snivilous. While his friends had tried to tell him it wasn't his fault, he still felt like it was.

Snape had been a close friend of Lily’s in college, and while the rest of her friends disliked him greatly that didn't seem to sway Lily’s opinion. Perhaps it was jealousy or his politics, but James detested him. He was a slimy, greasy git that didn’t deserve to be anywhere near Lily. Sometime during second year, Lily had caught his eye in a way she hadn’t before. She was sitting with Marley on the couch during one of their flat parties. She was wearing a lowcut shirt, and while his first thought was ‘wow, she has a killer body,’ his gaze was then drawn to her eyes, then the way she flipped her long red hair over her shoulder. The graceful slope of her shoulders, the way her smile seemed to light up a room. He had written it off as pure physical attraction. Evans was hot, simple as that. But then he heard her debating some douche bag about environmental racism, and his heart nearly burst.

So the fact she had somehow maintained a friendship with Snivilous, a huge tory and git that James and Sirius had gone to secondary school with, held her attention and not him? That made his blood boil. And yeah, maybe James and Sirius weren't the kindest to him in school, but he had deserved it. This is why when he and his tory pals showed up to one of their house parties, James had been livid. And maybe he shouldn't have shoved Snape, but when Lily intervened to stop a full-on brawl from happening, Snape had used some choice words towards her. Ones that he wouldn't repeat, not even in his head. Their friendship had ended, and Lily seemed to blame James for it.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, “you’re right, I am a prat.”

“Yes, you- What?” she interrupted herself, looking very confused. “I must be too drunk. Did you just call yourself a prat?”

“Yes, I did,” he sighed, laying back on the bed, “Lily, I’m sorry. For everything, the way I’ve acted in the past, and the way I’ll probably act in the future.”

She didn't say anything for a moment, clearly stunned.

“Well, thank you. And I’m sorry too, for you know also being a prat sometimes,” she said

Before they could lapse into awkward silence, he found himself blurting out the first thing that came to mind, “Do you want a drink?” 

“I should say no. Remus cut me off,” she mused.

“Well, I’m not Remus,” he smirked. 

“Too bad.”

He just snorted, getting up and pulling a bottle of Don Julio out of his suitcase. 

“Of course, you have the fancy stuff,” she snorted as he handed her a glass. 

“Only the best for you,” he winked.

“Don't try and charm me, Potter. It won’t work.” 

“Too bad,” he mused, taking a sip from his glass.


	2. Rugby Shirts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song for this Chapter is _Jessie's Girl_
> 
> Heya friends! I'm glad people seem to like this story so far. The idea popped into my head because I was listening to some old playlists and some songs came along that just made me think of this. Anyway, I hope you like the little nod to our queen MsKingBean89. Comments are love, they keep me writing <3.
> 
> Stay safe everyone!!

Despite the hangover, Lily felt a lot better. 

Her head was clear, and the tension she had been carrying on her shoulders had dissipated. She and James were on better terms, and that was the best outcome she could hope for. 

When she stumbled back to her room, she had immediately picked up her songwriting book and gotten to work.

_We made our peace over a bottle of Don Julio.  
Past mistakes, forgiven, the future, unwritten.  
Your New York hotel room made me let go.  
So here’s to friendship and Don Julio._

It was good. She liked it, it would need a polish, but she had something.

Part of her was embarrassed. She had stumbled drunk to his room and sort of yelled at him, but it had worked. They were on better terms. She only wished she hadn't spent half the evening with her eyes plastered to his chest. Lord, that man was built like those statues in the V&A. It was unfair.

Part of her brain was chastising her for mending things. She was not about to fall at his feet like everyone else. Was she becoming weak? No. She wasn’t weak. It just made sense that they try and maintain a decent working relationship. After all, when they got back to London, they were going to have to spend a few weeks together to record the album, and the last time they recorded, Lily and James had to be in separate rooms for most of it. Mainly because James had made a quip about her being a tight ass, and she had thrown a set of headphones at him. 

Where they friends? No.

Where they going to be friends? Lilly was determined to keep that a no as well.

But were they on better terms and less likely to strangle one another? Yes.

Neither of them forgave easily, but this was a real break in the right direction, even if she didn’t want to admit it. Until Lily finished her book, she didn’t see herself leaving this gig anytime soon.

As she pulled a brush through her hair, she couldn’t help but grimace, lord she must have looked a right disaster last night. All the fast food they ate on tour always made her break out. Her chin was decorated with a number of small spots. 

One tube of concealer later, Lily was itching for a coffee, and she knew from the last tour that the ritz had a killer breakfast spread.

Marley had already gone downstairs for breakfast. The crew was lucky. They could go to the buffet and pig out. The boys, on the other hand, they didn't have the same freedom. They usually ate in their rooms to avoid being interrupted.

Just as Lily was about to head down for some food, she was met with a frantic pounding on the door.

Pulling it open, she was met with an incredibly dishevelled and panicked looking Remus.

“Remus? What’s wrong?”

He pushed her into the room, slamming the door behind him and locking it.

“We need to talk.”

“Look, I’m sorry about talking to James, but we worked things out, and I think-”

“No, not that” he shook his head. “Sirius and I hooked up.”

Lily felt her jaw drop. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

She couldn't help it. She started laughing, “That’s great!”

“No, it’s not,” he groaned, walking over to her bed and flopping down on it “it’s going to be so awkward now.”

Lily walked over and sat down beside her friend, resting a comforting hand on his arm “it won’t be. Sirius wouldn't let that happen.”

“You don’t know that”

“I do.” she insisted “look, Sirius’s main talent in life is making sure things aren't awkward. The man’s a walking tension diffuser.”

He just moaned, rubbing his hands over his face in ill-hidden exasperation.

“Did you guys talk at all? About what it was?” she asked, trying her best to ease his anxiety.

“Sort of,” he sighed, sitting up, “when he left this morning, he said ‘we should do this again’”

“Well, that’s good!” she insisted, “I knew he liked you back! And you don't have to complicate things now. You can talk more about it once we’re back in England. We only have five more shows.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Remus sighed, keeping his hands over his face.

“So?” she demanded, trying her damn hardest not to smirk.

“So what?”

“How was it?”

Even though his hands covered his face, she could see that he had flushed a deep red.

“Would it be dramatic to say it was the best sex of my life?”

She couldn't help the squeal she let out.

* * *

Where Lily’s tension was gone, James was feeling tenser than he had ever felt, for more reasons than one. His head was pounding, and so was his heart. He had, for the first time, had a civil conversation with Lily, and that shouldn't be enough to make his gut swirl. But it did, and he had woken up in need of a cold shower and black coffee. It wasn’t fair that she could show up to his room, drunk as a skunk but still coherent, logical, and put together. The last time he had tried to talk to her while drunk, she had smacked him. What he had said, neither could remember, but he probably deserved the smack. She had no right to look that good in his room, in his band’s jumper, on his couch. Lord, he needed that coffee. 

Just as he was about to pick up the phone to order room service, a frantic knock made him place the phone back down onto the receiver. Cautiously looking out the eyehole first (Frank had drilled it into them, ‘always check before you open the door’), he could see one very dishevelled and very panicked looking Sirius.

“Tell me you didn’t” was the first thing he said to his mate as he stumbled through the door, sex tousled hair and a telling purple bruise blossoming on his collar bone.

“Because if you fucked a fan or anyone else for that matter, Evans is going to kill you.”

“I don't think we need to bother Evans with this one,” Sirius chuckled darkly, grabbing the half-empty bottle of Don Julio off of his dress and taking a deep swig from the bottle. 

“Why don’t we need to tell Evans?”

“Because she already knows.”

James stopped. His heart in his throat. He had only ever punched Sirius out of true anger one time, and he was about to do it again.

“Did you sleep with her?” his voice was calm, but his heart and his head were not.

“What? Fuck, no!” Sirius defended, giving James a disgusted look “who do you think I am? I wouldn't do that to you.”

“Then why would Evans already know? Jesus Christ, tell me you didn't sleep with Marley. That’s basically incest.”

“No. Worse,” Sirius groaned, taking another swig from the bottle, “I may or may not have slept with Remus. And I definitely saw him going into Evans’s room just now.”

If James thought his morning couldn't get any worse, he was mistaken.

“You- you what?” he found himself sitting down on the end of his bed, “tell me you’re joking.”

“I wish I was.” 

“Christ Padfoot.”

“I know,” his best friend groaned, putting the bottle down and putting his face in his hands. “I don't know what I was thinking. One minute we’re just chatting, and then the next thing you know, we’re-”

“Spare me the details,” James grimaced, holding up a hand to silence him. “Come on, Sirius. I thought you were over this.”

“I thought I was too! When we started the band I swore, I wouldn't pull a move on him. It’s just so bloody hard to get over somewhen when the bloke you’re in love with also happens to be one of you’re best mates and is a member of your band.” Sirius agonized. He was leaning over, his forearms resting on his knees. Shoulders slumped in clear dejection over the situation. “And you want to know the worst part? I want to do it again. I want more.”

“I know how you feel, mate,” James sighed, getting up and patting his friend on the shoulder sympathetically “well, maybe not quite how you feel, but I get the gist.”

“I’m sure I fucked up our friendship and the band.”

“I’m sure you didn’t.”

“I’m sure I did.”

“Look,” James said, grabbing hold of Sirius’s shoulders and giving him a light shake. “You’re great at fucking things up, but you’re also great at fixing them. If you like Remus but don’t want to ruin a friendship, find the middle ground.”

Sirius lifted his head, giving him a puzzled look “you sound like Lily. Why do you sound like Lily?”

“Well, Evans and I sorted thing’s out last night,” James explained, sitting back down on the bed and pushing a hand into his hair, a nervous habit he knew Lily hated.

“Sorted things out how?” Sirius was doing a terrible job at concealing a smirk

“Well, considering for a moment, I thought you had shagged her. It clearly was not the way you’re insinuating.”

“Alright, alright, just checking. So you’re friends now?”

“We’re friendly,” James clarified, “and it’s a start. I can’t go in too fast, you know?”

“You’re telling me,” Sirius grumbled. “Please don’t pull a Sirius. I care about you far too much for that to happen to you.”

“I’m pretty sure if I tried to make a move on Evans, she would kick my balls into my throat.”

“You know I’d pay to see that.”

“Fuck off, mate.”

* * *

Five more shows. Five more shows. Five more shows. Five more shows. Five more shows.

It was a mantra she kept reciting in her head, one more night in New York, then two in Toronto and two in Montreal. And she liked Montreal, so she could do this. 

It was the talk shows that might be the death of her. This was the second last one (thank god). They had an appearance on MTV Canada, and after that, they were scot-free for at least three weeks.

Remus and Sirius were mercifully acting normal around one another. Sirius had pulled Remus aside in the hotel that morning, and after a quick chat, the two seemed to be in excellent moods. She had tried to talk to Remus about it, but they had to get to the Tonight Show ASAP. She would have to corner him tonight after the show.

The backstage area of The Tonight Show was bustling. PAs and crew were rushing every which way, and she just wanted to find somewhere quiet to drink her cranberry juice and write. She had been kicked out of the dressing room because they were recording a pre-show bit with Jimmy Fallon. Some bit about a fan breaking into their dressing room. She wished she could say that it hadn’t happened before, but it had. Thank god none of the boys were there, and Frank was so on his A-game.

Her good mood from this morning had evaporated the second she had stepped foot in the NBC studio. She hadn’t even planned on coming, but the studio had requested their media agent be present, and given that she was the only member of the media team present on tour, here she was. The only plus was that they had unlimited bottles of sugar-free cranberry juice, something Remus had promptly spit out when he plucked the bottle out of her hand for a sip earlier.

“Jesus, that’s bitter!”

“Are you surprised, I drink my coffee black?”

She checked her watch. It was nearly 17:00. They should be done filming by now. While heading back to the dressing room, she was distracted by the large entourage surrounding the show’s other guests. And for once found herself grateful that the lads were somewhat low maintenance when it came to their wants and needs. As long as they had access to football, cigarettes, and curly wurlys, they were easily placated. She was pretty sure the only reason was that Marlene would tear them a new one if they tried anything too pig-headed with her. 

She was so enamoured with the celebrity entourage she overlooked the PA, whose nose was buried in a clipboard barreling towards her.

She ran smack into him and his clipboard. Her cranberry juice went everywhere, drenching her white button-down.

“Bullocks!” she swore angrily. Not only was this going to stain, but her shirt was quickly going see-through.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” the PA gasped, taking in her soaked shirt. 

“Ugh, don’t fret. It’s my fault. Wasn’t watching where I was going,” Lily grumbled. She was going to have to hide out in the boy’s dressing room for the rest of the evening. “Can I borrow that clipboard?”

After the PA had taken his notes, Lily pressed the clipboard to her chest, using it as a shield to walk back to the boy’s dressing room. The whole production team of Jimmy Kimmel really didn’t need to see her lacy white bralette.

The boys were mercifully done filming and were lounging around with their instruments and chatting idly about the songs they were going to perform.

“Geez red, you got redder,” Sirius quipped, taking in her stained shirt and flustered appearance. 

“Unfortunately, cranberry juice and not watching where you’re going isn’t a good combination. Remus, please tell me you have an extra shirt or something?” she asked her friend desperately. “My shirt’s gone completely see-through, and I look like a walking murder scene.”

“Sorry, Lils, I didn’t bring anything.”

“I have this,” Sirius suggested, pulling a fishnet shirt out of his rucksack. 

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” she deadpanned 

“I have a shirt,” James chimed in, pushing his hand into his hair, “if you don’t mind wearing something of mine.”

“I couldn’t care who it’s from.”

He pulled out a worn red rugby shirt that she knew all too well and tossed it to her. Fans LOVED this shirt. It had made rugby shirts fashionable again. Urban Outfitters had started selling them a week after he wore it in the music video for their song 'SchoolYard Chants.’ She was pretty sure every fanfiction she had ever seen on Twitter about him included y/n wearing this shirt. Well, shit, call her y/n. 

Pulling off her cranberry soaked shirt in the bathroom, she felt the sudden urge to smack her head against the counter. Maybe she should have taken Sirius’s fishnet top.

Pulling the jersey over her head, she couldn’t help but be surprised. Normally clothes on tour smelled like a gym bag. But somehow, the jersey still smelled nice, like cardamom and sandalwood. Of course, the blighter also smelled nice, really, couldn’t there be just one thing he didn’t have going for him?

“You just started tolerating his existence, and now you’re wearing his clothes, nice one, Lily,” she muttered, tucking the jersey into her high-waisted jeans. There, at least it looked like a planned outfit, perhaps too casual for the occasion, but it wasn’t soaked in cranberry juice. 

She was grateful that a few minutes later, the boys were called into the wings because she really didn’t like the smirks Sirius and Peter had tossed her way when she left the bathroom.

Fallon introduced their album ‘All the Young Dudes’ before they started their set.

Lily liked it when they played like this, smaller shows with less theatrics, even if it was on national television. It reminded her of Uni and winter nights helping Remus load up the van behind the pubs on George Street. She really missed those days. Things were more straightforward, and even though she was making good money, she felt more uncertainty now than she did then. When she was in Edinburgh, everything was so simple. She was a writer. She was going to publish a book and find a nice lad and go on romantic writing getaways to the highlands. This life was far from what she expected.

“Boys, that was incredible!” Fallon exclaimed, ushering them over to the couch “now, you’re almost done your tour. You have one more show tonight, two in Toronto and then two in Montreal. How does it feel that it’s coming to an end?”

“Sort of surreal like,” Sirius exclaimed, “three months on tour with this lot, I deserve an award!”

The audience chuckled

“So what’s your favourite city to perform in? You’ve been all over the world. You must have a favourite, right?”

“Oh Jimmy, every city is our favourite city to perform in,” James laughed, leaning back on the couch and stretching his arms over the back, “but I might have a soft spot for New York.” He shot a wink at the audience, who whooped and giggled.

“That’s what we like to hear!” the host laughed, clapping along with the audience. 

“Now, ‘All the Young Dudes’ has topped the charts for nearly 200 weeks. That’s crazy for a second album! How do you take that all in? You guys seem so grounded.”

Lily couldn’t help but snort at that one.

“I think having our friends from home be a part of this team is what helps,” Peter explained, “You know we met in Uni, and our band manager and lead songwriter are also friends from Uni.”

“Yeah, it’s basically a family thing,” Remus added, “they would probably give us a kick if our heads got too big.”

Remind her to kick James and Sirius after the show.

“You mentioned your lead songwriter.” Jimmy asked, “do you guys collaborate with them, or is it mostly you, and then they help?”

“It’s definitely a team effort,” Sirius answered. “Lily is a songwriting genius, but we have to make sure the songs are personal, so we spend a lot of time collaborating.”

“A lot of our songs are about personal experiences, so we sort of have to drag her everywhere!” James laughed 

“Yeah, she’s even backstage now!’ Peter admitted

“Well, let’s bring her out!” Jimmy said enthusiastically, “we need to meet the mastermind!”

Lily felt her heart drop to her stomach.

No. No, no, no, no, no, NO.

She did not do T.V. interviews.

But a PA was now ushering her out of the dressing room, and another was clipping a microphone on her while guiding her out onto the sound stage of the Tonight Show before she could well and truly protest.

The lights were too bright. That’s all she could think as she moved robotically towards the couch. She dreaded to know what her face looked like. Probably a wonderful mix of horror and constipation.

Fallon came up, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m sorry we didn’t bring out a bigger couch,” he apologized, ushering her over to the packed couch.

“Ah, don’t sweat it, Jimmy!” Sirius lilted, getting up from his seat and perching on the arm of the couch.

Sirius had occupied the seat right next to the desk, beside him was James. Seeing no other option, Lily settled in between Sirius and James, acutely aware of the fact she was now pressed into the latter’s side. The couch was so squishy she was practically in his lap. On National television, no less. 

“So Lily, Is this your first interview?” Jimmy started after the polite applause from the audience died down

“Yeah, I’m not normally one for the spotlight,” she laughed nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“But you’re the genius behind the album!” Their host exclaimed, “I can’t believe you’ve never talked publicly about it before!” 

“Only one of the geniuses.” she found herself saying, “I wish I could take 100% of the credit, but these lads do help.”

“She’s modest too,” James quipped, earning him a small glare from Lily.

“You’re one to talk.”

“And feisty,” he grinned, shooting her a wink.

The audience laughed, and Lily couldn’t help the heat that rose in her cheeks.

“So tell us about the writing process. How did you start writing for the band?” Fallon asked, leaning forward on his desk

“I studied literature and poetry at University. I write my songs like I would write my poetry though it’s a bit different because I have to try and think from their perspective. Remus and I grew up together. We were childhood friends, so it’s not too difficult to see things from his perspective. So when they started writing originals, he asked if I could help, given my experience with poetry and creative writing.”

“Gotta use your connections,” Remus laughed “she was a natural pick.”

“And is songwriting where you expected to be?” Jimmy asked

Lily laughed, “not at all. I thought I would be a struggling writer in Edinburgh, not herding this lot around the world.”

“Well, surely that’s an upgrade,” Sirius smirked, nudging her.

“I’m not sure. Being a struggling writer would mean I don’t have to smell you lot after a show.”

The audience laughed.

“Do you see what we put up with?” Peter cried in mock horror, “what we go through for good songs.”

Thankfully they went to break after that, and Lily was able to escape backstage as the boys were going to be playing a game with the other guest, some NFL player she couldn't bother to remember. Her heart was pounding. She was going to write in the media briefing packet that no one except the band was to be brought out without explicit instructions beforehand. She did not want a repeat of that.

She collapsed onto the dressing room couch, and Frank shot her a sympathetic look.

“There wasn’t any real way out of that, was there Frank?” she asked. 

“Not that I could see,” the security guard agreed. 

“I’m sure the coverage form tonight will be good, but I dread to know what will be said. Not all fans are enthusiastic about girls being around them,” she sighed, tugging her hair up into a ponytail. The stage lights had been scorching, and her hair was sticking to the back of her neck.

“Probably best to avoid Twitter for a few days.”

“Wish I could, being on the media team and all.”

* * *

Frank was probably right. She should have avoided Twitter. Because by the end of that evening’s show, photos of her were plastered across her timeline and fansites.

She had simply expected them to be upset about a girl sitting close to the band, perhaps jealousy about her place in the boys’ lives. What she hadn’t expected were the relationship rumours.

She had completely forgotten she was wearing James’s shirt. Perhaps if it had been a different one, no one would have noticed, but there was no missing who that infamous red rugby jersey belonged to.

And really, she shouldn't have been scrolling through Twitter on her burner account, but she couldn’t help it. It was like when you drive past a car crash, and you can’t look away.

 _‘I can’t believe she was wearing the shirt!’_ one user wrote.

 _‘He wouldn’t give that shirt to just anyone. They have to be dating,’_ another responded.

_‘And did you see the way he had his arm around her?’_

He hadn’t had his arm around. His arms had been stretched out over the back of the couch.

_‘Look at the way he’s looking at her in this photo! They are totally dating.’_

_‘And the way he winked at her? I would positively melt if he did that to me. I can’t believe she didn’t pass out from that!'_

It was just the angle the photo was taken at. Honestly, she thought. She really wanted to put out a quick tweet from the band’s account saying, “they aren’t dating. Lily just had a cranberry juice emergency!” but she knew not to fan the flames. Denying anything would only make people speculate more. This needed to die out on its own, and preferably sooner rather than later.

Fans (the more bitter ones, she was assuming) had already come up with a ship name and #LAMES was trending on Twitter in North America and the UK. This alone should have been enough indication this wasn’t going away anytime soon. GIFS and fan edits were flying across her feed so fast it was giving her a head rush. How could there be fan edits of them already? The full interview hadn’t even aired yet, and this was the only video ever taken of them together. She knew by the morning the fan accounts would have dragged up more. There were group photos of them from Uni and tour, though, in all of those, they were at opposite ends of the picture. Either way, it didn’t matter. The Marauders fanbase was going nuts, and she was for the first time at the center of it. 

Marlene was having a field day with this. “I mean, to be fair, Lils, I’m sure it was driving him absolutely mad seeing you in that shirt.”

Sirius was also finding the situation outrageously hilarious. 

He had laughed about it the whole time they were packing up the tour busses, and Lily was close to strangling him. She’d had to enlist Remus’s help in ensuring Sirius wouldn't say something on stage that would dig this hole any deeper.

James seemed to find it equally uncomfortable and ridiculous. When she had handed him back his shirt, he had just mumbled a quick thanks and avoided looking at her for the rest of the evening.

She was all too grateful to be back on her separate tour bus once they were done packing up. Hopefully, by tomorrow things would have calmed down.

* * *

James could not calm down.

He needed a smoke,

Well, actually, he needed a wank, but that was not going to happen on a crowded tour bus. There was no damn privacy on those busses.

He needed to keep things cool. And keeping things cool did not involve getting blue balls at the mere sight of her in his shirt. But Jesus was it difficult. When she had come out of the bathroom with it tucked into those jeans that made her ass look incredible, his heart had jumped to his throat. What he wouldn’t give to see her in just that shirt with mussed-up hair and swollen lips and-

“Ugh!” He smacked a hand against his head. He needed to stop this now. She hadn’t worn his shirt willingly. It was the only option for her. That damn shirt, it even smelled like her now. Like lemongrass and grapefruit. How the hell does someone smell like grapefruit?

But the worst part was the fans, he didn’t use social media much, but Peter sure did. He had shoved his phone at James just before they went on stage. The internet was going wild with speculations. It didn’t help that there were now fan edits of the two or that the Camera had got him staring adoringly at her.

Sirius and Peter were also not helping things. The two had been merciless all night.

“You alright, prongs? You look a bit… stiff?” Sirius had laughed the second they were alone on the tour bus.

Peter snorted, “Yeah, looks like you could use some relaxation. I’m sure Lily wouldn’t mind.” 

Remus was the only one who seemed to be sympathetic to his troubles. After Peter and Sirius had retired to the bunks, Remus sat down beside him, clapping a comforting hand on the drummer’s shoulder.

“You doing alright?”

“If I said yes, would you believe me?”

“No.”

“Nothing gets past you.” He sighed, leaning back in his seat. “I’m crazy, right. I’m batshit crazy for letting something like this get to me.”

“I’m not one to judge too harshly.” Remus shrugged, “I know you’ve liked her for a while.”

“For a while is an understatement.” James admitted, “and then the second I take a step in the right direction, start being NORMAL, something like this happens.”

“Fans are like this. Remember when you were photographed accidentally leaving the club at the same time as Rita Ora? Everyone thought you guys were dating.” 

“Yeah, but Rita Ora wasn’t wearing my shirt and practically sitting in my lap on national TV.”

“No, but this will blow over like that did.” Remus assured him, “Just keep being normal James, and maybe you’ll be seeing her in your clothes more often.”

“You’re just as bad and Padfoot and Wormtail, you know that, right?”

* * *

It was her phone buzzing aggressively next to her head that woke her up. At first, she was grateful someone was calling, she had been in the middle of a weird and terrible nightmare where she was standing on the sound stage of Kimmel while angry mobs threw wadded up rugby jerseys at her.

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she grabbed her phone, it was a number she didn't recognize, but it was from the UK, so she picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Lily?”

A familiar but unwelcomed voice greeted her. She sat up quickly, now completely awake.

“How did you get this number.”

“That doesn't matter.”

“It does because you shouldn't have it.” she snapped. 

“Just listen, please.”

“No, Severus, you listen. Do not contact me again, do you hear me?” she ground out. 

“Are you dating him?”

“I-What?” she stopped, “am I dating who?”

“Potter. Are you dating him?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“It is because he’s a prat and-”

She hung up the phone, shaking with both anger and fear.

When she and Severus had ended their friendship, it had been ugly. And while only Marlene knew the true extent of how ugly (if Remus had found out, he would have done something serious), she thought they were done with this. She had blocked him on everything, given strict instructions to all of their school friends to not give him her info, and even had him permanently banned from Marauders shows and events.

Jesus, she couldn't deal with this again. Not now.

How dare he! Calling her even though he knew she didn't want to speak to him. And to what? Question her about her relationship with James?

The only consultation was that he was in England and she was in Canada. Well, at least for the next week, she was. He couldn't have found her home address, could he?

No, she was overthinking things. 

Her phone was ringing again, the same UK number. Snape. She declined the call and quickly blocked the number. She was going to have to change her own number the second she got back to England.


	3. Rouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *****TRIGGER WARNING******** PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ THE CHAPTER!! THERE ARE MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE. PLEASE BE WARNED AND PERHAPS SKIP THE FIRST SECTION OF THIS CHAPTER IF THAT BOTHERS YOU.
> 
> The song for this chapter is _Out On The Street_ by the Vaccines.
> 
> Heya heya!! Thanks for all the positive feedback on this fic so far. I've been having so much fun with it!
> 
> Your comments are love and keep me writing, I always love feedback so please indulge me. Hope you are all staying safe and wearing a mask!
> 
> Love ya lots,
> 
> Chie <3

_Four years prior, Edinburgh, Scotland._

“Stop calling me Severus.”

“I just want to talk. Please, Lily.”

“You’ve said quite enough. Now stop calling me, or I’ll block your number.” 

Lily was stood outside on the balcony of her and Marlene's flat to avoid waking the other girl. It was three in the morning, and she was pissed off and frankly, scared. She had an exam tomorrow (or today at that point), and she was going to be exhausted during it. She had spent the better part of four hours on the phone with Severus, as he switched between desperately asking for forgiveness, telling her he loved her, and cussing both her and the boys out.

Potter, in particular, had borne the brunt of Severaus’s hatred of the boys.

And while she could agree that he was a prat, he wasn’t a tory or a misogynistic dick that called girls bitches or sluts because they wouldn't put out after someone held the door open for them.

And she told Severus as much when he first called her that evening.

This had only enraged him. And no matter how many times she hung up, he would keep calling back. She couldn't turn her phone off because it was her alarm, and she was her father’s emergency contact, which Severus was well aware of. She was the only person in their classes who was allowed to keep her phone on during exams for that reason.

“Severus. Stop. Calling me.” She grit out, “I have forgiven you for your outburst, and your outburst alone. But our friendship is over, and honestly, I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did.

She heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone.

“Lily, you’re my best friend. I love you. We’re meant to be together.” he lamented.

“You’re insane,” she hissed, her anger truly starting to bubble over. “This is the last time we’re speaking, Severus. Goodbye.”

“Wait!” he cried on the other end of the phone.

“What?”

“If you hang up, I’ll kill myself.”

She froze.

How. How dare he!

“How dare you!” She yelled, not bothering to lower her voice “How could you ever claim to love me and then say that! You know what happened to my— to my—”

She choked, not able to get the words out. So she hung up, immediately blocking his number.

But she was shaking, what if he really did something?

“Lils?”

Marlene had woken up from her shouting. And Lily all but collapsed into her friends’ arms, shaking violently while she relayed what had just happened.

Marlene handled it from there.

She called 999, giving them Snape's address saying that he had threatened self-harm.

From what she heard, the cops came and found him attempting to overdose on paracetamol. 

After that, direct communication between Lily and Severus was slim to none. 

She would see him coming towards her on campus and head the other way.

Her last semester in Edinburgh was a waking nightmare. She and Marlene had to move out of the flat they had lived in since the first year when he started showing up outside their windows and leaving letters in their mailbox.

Lily burned every single one with the lighter she stole from Sirius and told Remus there were roaches in their flat as an explanation for the move.

It wasn’t that she didn't want to tell Remus, she just knew that if she did, he would go ballistic, and things would only get worse.

Severus hated the boys more than anyone else, and if they got involved, she was sure the situation would escalate beyond what it already was.

Remus was a sweetheart, but he was also fiercely loyal and wouldn’t hesitate to throw Severus up against a wall. Something she couldn’t let happen.

One evening, when she and Severus were still friends, she had accidentally dozed off in the library. Severus had taken the opportunity to go through her phone (a red flag she would later kick herself for not noticing), reading messages between her and Remus (to figure out if anything was happening between the two of them), and discovered he was gay. 

He’d held that over her head as well. If she didn’t talk to him, he would out Remus. She had only managed to avoid it because she brought the messages to the law school’s student council. The student union took a zero-tolerance policy regarding LGBTQ+ discrimination and threatened to have him kicked out if he did anything of the sort. 

By the time graduation came around, it was like a breath of fresh air. She thought she was done with him.

* * *

_Present Day, Montreal, Canada_

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Lily Evans, there is a plate full of chips, gravy, and cheese curds in front of you, and you’ve barely touched a thing. What’s wrong?”

“Why does me not eating poutine mean something is wrong!”

“Because every time we’re in Canada, you eat both your weight and my weight in the stuff. So what the hell is wrong with you.”

Lily sighed defeatedly, putting her fork down on the plate of poutine she had been picking at for the last few minutes.

“See, I knew something was wrong!” Marlene said triumphantly, stabbing her fork into a gravy-soaked chip “now spill, is it all the fan attention that’s weirding you out? Or the fanfictions where you and James have sex? Because honestly, some of them are well written!”

Lily blanched, “There’s fanfiction about James and me doing what?”

“Forget I mentioned it.”

“I’m going to have to,” Lily groaned, pushing her hand into her long red hair. “This is worse, much worse.”

Marlene frowned, now looking concerned. “Lily, if it’s something serious, you know I have your back, so does Remus, and as much as you probably loathe to admit it, so do the rest of the boys.”

“I know,” Lily sniffed, the fear and anxiety that had been plaguing her for the past few nights finally catching up with her “I just didn’t want to worry you.”

Marlene reached across the table and gripped her hand. “I’m always worried about you.”

Lily laughed despite herself, “you’re the worst, truly.”

“That’s why we’re friends.” the blonde grinned, gripping her friend’s hand a bit tighter, “but honestly, what the hell is the matter?”

Lily clenched her jaw. She already knew how Marlene was going to react. “Severus called me three nights ago.”

Marlene paused, a look of shock passing over her pretty face.

“He what.” the blonde’s hand had gone slack in Lily’s, but her blue eyes were flashing angrily. “I’m sorry he WHAT?”

She had nearly shouted the last word, making other patrons of the small poutinerie look at them indignantly. 

“Shh! Marley!” Lily pleaded, waving an apologetic hand at the elderly couple next to them “see, this is why I didn’t want to say anything.” 

“Lily, this is beyond serious!” The blonde hissed. She looked positively murderous, “you need to talk to the band’s lawyer! Minerva is amazing, way better than that greaseball is in court, I’m telling you. She can for sure draft up a restraining order by tomorrow morning.”

“I’m not getting a restraining order.” Lily insisted, “I’m just going to change my number when we get back to England. I’m sure it will be fine.” Though of that, she wasn’t sure she was even fooling herself.

“And how many times in the past three years have you had to change your number?” Marlene asked, “because last I checked, it was twice. You need a restraining order, Lily!”

“It just feels so extreme,” she sighed, leaning back in her chair “we were friends after all.”

“You stopped being friends when he called you those awful names. Not to mention when he stalked you on campus for a year, forced us to move apartments, threatened to out Remus, and started harassing you online? How can you not see how bad this is?” The blonde retorted, “Lily, at the least you need to talk to Remus, this involves him too, remember Snape’s threats?

“Yes, I remember,” Lily sighed, feeling the familiar lump of anxiety catch in her throat. 

“Not only that, but you live alone, and if he’s able to find your phone number, who knows if he has your address.” Marlene continued, her blue eyes searching Lily’s face with barely veiled fear.

The fear in Lily’s gut twisted like a knife. Marlene was just voicing the concerns that had been bouncing around her head for the past few days. Even though her building had a doorman and keycard system, she was still worried.

“Maybe I could get a dog?” Lily suggested meekly, picking at her now cold poutine 

“That will do nothing for either you or Remus, plus you travel too much to own a pet.” Marlene pointed out, “you need a restraining order. I’m calling Minerva immediately, and you are talking to Remus tonight after the show.”

“Come on, Marley!” Lily exasperated, “it’s the last show. The crew party is tonight! I don’t want to ruin his mood.”

“It will ruin his mood more if he finds out you waited weeks to tell him. Especially because you never exactly told him in the first place!” Marlene argued, “I’m serious, Lils. If you don’t tell him, I will.”

“Fine,” Lily resigned, “I’ll tell him this evening.”

Lily felt sick. She hadn’t told Remus for several reasons, the main one being that Severus knew about his sexuality. She was so scared he would be angry at her that she had let her guard down and put him at risk. And while she knew she should have told him when it first started, she had done it out of self-preservation, fear for Remus, and then the fear of Snape.

Either way, Lily was screwed, and she was cursing her love of cranberry juice more and more. If she hadn’t been wearing that bloody shirt, he probably wouldn’t have even bothered. He would have passed off the gossip as salacious gossip amongst fans. It happened all the time. But this was different, and she knew it.

Packing up the leftover poutine, the girls made their way through old Montreal, admiring the different stores and cafes. 

Thankfully this was a show that didn’t require too much of their attention, the crew had it covered in terms of logistics, and they got to relax a bit before the send-off tonight. Cleo and Jess were heading back to Australia, Taylor was moving to Vancouver to live with her girlfriend, and Alice and Frank were going to spend some time in Ireland with Alice’s parents. It would be at least another ten months until the whole crew was back together again. 

The next record was coming along, but it needed work, and Lily was already banging her head against a wall at the thought of studio time.

It wasn’t that she hated working on the record. It was just that spending 12 hour days in the studio with the boys was like trying to get year ones hyped up on tablet and Irn Bru to take a nap. It was soul-crushing.

Though she did have some hopes this time around, this album was mellower. 

Was mellower the right word? 

It was more emotional, more dramatic. Both Remus and James had written some darker songs that made her raise an eyebrow when they were first brought to her. But she liked them. The songs reminded her a lot of AM by the Arctic Monkeys, if that album then had a baby with Inside in/ Inside out by the Kooks. It was definitely a different vibe, but she knew the fans would eat it up, and frankly, it was panning out to be a favourite of her own.

So lost in thought about the album, she allowed Marlene to steer them around, bringing them into a small lingerie store called _Garnitures en Dentelle_ on the outskirts of the older section of Montreal.

“Bonsoir, hello!” The sales lady greeted, waiting for them to respond in either English or French

“Hi, there!” Marlene greeted the woman

“I came here last time we were in Montreal. They have the best selection,” she said to Lily. “Nothing makes me feel better like a new pair of knickers. Seriously you should get something!”

Even though new knickers was not Lily’s way of dealing with a stalker and being hated by a decent portion of a band’s fanbase, the shop did have nice stuff. She bought a few pairs of stockings and a few bras after the lady working at the store informed her she was most definitely wearing the wrong sized band.

“You’re so tiny I could wrap both my hands around your rib cage!”

By the time the saleswoman bowed them from the shop, it was time to head back for the last show of the “Keep it Young” tour. 

The last show always started earlier than any of the other ones on tour at 13:00 instead of the usual time of 20:00.

This was because the crew had to pack up the whole tour, ensure that instruments and sound equipment was packed correctly to be shipped back to England. The busses needed a final sweep through for lost items, and then finally, the crew party at a club somewhere in town. In Montreal, it was always at _La Chambre en Rouge_. 

Final shows were always a hot ticket item for several reasons. The band pulled no punches, taking more time to joke around with one another on stage, more songs, and more theatrics were always a staple.

They would also pull the entire crew out on stage for a bow. 

The boys were like that. They loved their crew and were always willing to share in the applause with the people that put up with their antics for six months, not including the European and Asian tour they had done two months prior to starting this one.

There was also the VIP option, which made this particular show even more unique than the others. 

Lily had a love-hate relationship with the last show. Because while it was always fun and the after-party was great, it was the only show where VIP packages were made available as favours.

The band hated VIP, well, more like the crew hated VIP, especially Marlene. 

It wasn't that the Mauradors didn’t like interacting with fans. It was that VIP packages were often bought up by wealthy CEOs for spoiled children or given to their sugar babies and Instagram influencers. And the thing with influencers is you had to interact and be nice about it. The last thing you wanted was a storytime made about you painting you as a massive dick to an audience of loyal fans.

This was why the VIP tickets were only available on the last night of the tour. It was easier to only worry about one night on the whole tour where you had to put on just as good a show offstage as on.

This was why Lily was currently hiding out in the sound booth at the back of the arena. She hated having to entertain offstage. She had forgotten entirely about the VIP guests until she walked into the boy’s dressing room to hand over the remnants of her poutine (she promised Peter leftovers) and was immediately met with the sight of six giggling influencers, all fawning over the boys.

Two were sat on either side of Sirius on the couch.

(Remus was decidedly engrossed in conversation with Marlene, clearly avoiding looking at Sirius on the couch. Marlene looked just as annoyed as Lily feels)

Peter was teaching a pretty blonde girl how to play the guitar.

And James.

James had three girls hanging onto his every word. And considering one of them was perched on his lap, she was surprised he was able to keep up a conversation with all three. The one perched on his lap was a YouTuber. Lily recognized her from the outrageous storytimes she would do. 

“Oi Pete!” she called, breaking the room's atmosphere.

Immediately the girl sitting on James leapt up. Clearly, under the impression, she had just been caught sitting on someone else’s boyfriend.

She was doing her best to look only at Peter, but her blood was boiling for some reason.

“chips as promised, Pete,” she announced, placing the cardboard box on the table “I’d eat them fast, I warmed them up so the cheese would be all melty.”

“Where are our chips?” Sirius asked 

“You didn’t ask for chips.”

“I’m choked, Evans, not even for your boyfriend?” Sirius shot James a sly look

Lily side-eyed James, both he and the girls he had been speaking to looked incredibly embarrassed. 

“Couldn't be arsed” she shrugged before turning on her heel before stopping in the door and turning back to the girl who had been on James’s lap.

“Do mind him. If he brings out Don Julio, he’ll convince you of anything.”

And with that, she marched out of the dressing room, getting only a glimpse of the pissed off look on James’s face.

So perhaps that was the reason she was holed up in the sound booth with Taylor.

She really didn’t want to be in the dressing room with those girls, and she wanted to avoid James as much as possible.

Had her comment been a bit pointed?

Yes. It definitely had.

Did she feel terrible leaving Marley backstage to entertain them all by herself?

Again. Yes.

But her terrible night had, in the last five minutes, going from bad to plain shitty.

While she and Taylor were waiting for the last of the seats to fill up, she had been flicking through Twitter on her burner account (follow her _@lilyred_writerhood)_ when she discovered that she and Marlene had been photographed by some fans coming out of _Garnitures en Dentelle._

So, of course, fans were going mental, cooking up all sorts of saucy stories about what she bought for him.

Pffft, she thought. As if she would ever buy lingerie for a boy. What a waste of money. If they wanted fancy knickers on her, they could buy it themselves.

* * *

The show went well.

Of course, it went well.

It was a Mauradors show, after all.

And when the band called up the crew on stage, Lily stayed put in the sound booth—even going so far to duck under the table when the lights panned to Taylor for her round of applause.

She’d had enough of the spotlight in recent days.

As the crowd filtered out, the crew packed up the tour. Instruments and sound equipment were crated, the busses cleared, and bags packed and sent ahead to the hotel.

“Thank god that’s over,” Marlene sighed,

They were packed into an Uber on their way to La Chambre en Rouge. The other girls had changed, but Lily hadn’t bothered, preferring to stay in her crew t-shirt, even swatting away Alice’s attempt to dab rouge onto her cheeks. She was just too anxious to care about what she looked like.

“Sorry to leave you backstage, Marley,” Lily apologized. “I couldn't handle being back there, not tonight.”

“That’s fine,” the blonde shrugged “the green-eyed monster can be nasty.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Jealousy, I get it.”

Lily scoffed “what did I have to be jealous of? Peter’s leftover chips?”

“Nooooo,” drawled the blonde “of those girls on James.”

“Why on God's green earth would I be jealous of those girls?”

“Because they were flirting with him openly.”

Lily just rolled her eyes. “If I wanted to flirt with Potter openly, I would first have to want to flirt with him.” 

“So you don’t think he’s cute?” Taylor asked, leaning between the seats to join the conversation. “I think he’s gorgeous.”

“Taylor, aren’t you a lesbian?”

“I’m also a vegetarian, but even I admit bacon smells good.” 

“Come on, Lily, you don’t think he’s just a little bit yummy?” Jess grinned, also joining in. “That body is lickable.” 

“Well, now that you mention it. One time in uni, he fell into a kiddie pool Sirius filled with whipping cream. I would have considered licking him then.”

The girls laughed, chatting happily until they arrived at the club.

 _La Chambre en Rouge_ lived up to its name. Everything from the floor to the glasses the drinks were severed in was completely red. The club was also two levels, though the top-level was just a 360 balcony that looked over the dancefloor, which lit up red, of course. The VIP section was on a raised portion of the first floor and had been entirely bought up by the Marauders band and crew. 

The band had arrived there first. They had taken a private car with Frank and the girls from backstage. Something Lily was grateful for. She wouldn’t be in that car for all the shortbread in the world.

As they were waved through security by the bouncers who placed special stamps on the inside of their wrists, Marlene pulled her up the stairs and into the alcove in front of the ladies’ toilets.

“You have to talk to Remus. You promised”

Lily groaned “come on, Marley, it’s the last night of the tour. Let him enjoy his party. He probably won’t even want to go off for a chat.”

“I guarantee you he will,” the other girl said, nodding towards the second floor. They could see the boys in VIP over the balcony, where one girl was doing her absolute best to flirt with Remus.

Ha! Lily couldn’t help but think. Good luck with that one, sweetheart.

“Fine.” Lily relented, anxiety beginning to well in her chest again.

Making their way over to the VIP section, they flashed the stamps on their wrists to get through to everyone else.

Lily tried to make a desperate beeline for Frank and Alice, but Marlene caught her round the wrist, dragging her over to the boys.

“Evans.” Potter sniffed curtly.

“Potter.” She said just as curtly back, sensing that her pointed comment about ‘Don Julio’ and ‘he’ll convince you of anything’ had made him proper mad.

“Remus, Lily would like a quick chat,” Marlene interrupted, shooting Lily a look. 

Sirius’s eyebrows shot up into his hair, and Peter’s drink hovered by his mouth, both sensing something was a miss.

“Oh?” Remus asked, looking somewhat confused at Lily’s uncomfortable stance and Marlenes glare. 

“Umm yeah, if we could go somewhere quiet,” Lily muttered, shifting from foot to foot.

“Sure.” Remus agreed, though he looked suspicious. “Let’s head out back.”

She could feel Potter’s gaze on her back as Remus guided her out of the back door to the private outdoor smoking area the VIP section had.

* * *

They seem to be gone forever.

At least that’s what he thinks as he tries to keep the girl with the YouTube channel at arm’s length.

‘Be nice!’ He heard Evans’s voice snap in his head. ‘But not too nice, tour babies should be avoided at all costs.’

Always so fucking sensible.

Maybe it was because he was drunk, at least five rum and cokes in (not to mention the Grey Goose shots in the Limo), but what she had said was getting to him far more than it should have.

Her voice was rattling around in his head. ‘Do mind him. If he brings out Don Julio, he’ll convince you of anything.’

What the hell did that mean?

She was the one who always insisted they be friendly to the VIP guests, and what had he done wrong? Why was she pissed at him for flirting when she hadn’t so much as looked at him in the past four days. Was it really that terrible? The idea of being with him?

They had finally got somewhere, and some fucking rumours were enough to turn things sour again. 

She had been exceptionally distant since the Kimmel incident. He had no idea why he couldn’t just say she wasn’t his girlfriend! But it had been put into their last press briefing that they were not to be asked any questions about relationships, so that had been off the table.

He hardly saw how any of this was his fault.

He was allowed to flirt without her disapproving stare. Because she didn’t want anything to do with him, she had made that abundantly clear. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Remus and Lily reappeared. She had clearly been crying, and he looked ready to kill.

“Remus?” Sirius asked, also noticing the look on their bandmates face 

But before any of them could ask, Remus stormed out of the club, leaving both his jacket beside Sirius.

Frank, noticing one of them had left, went after Remus.

“What the hell was that?” Peter questioned, looking incredibly confused “did Remus and Lily just fight?”

“Yeah,” James ground out, feeling pissed. “Of course, she has to ruin tonight.”

“Woah prongs,” Sirius frowned. “I know you’re pissed about what she said in the dressing room earlier, but we don’t know what happened, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” James muttered, sitting back in his chair while anger began to suffocate his chest. 

“I’m going after him,” Sirius said, standing up and downing the rest of his drink. “Don’t do anything too stupid while I’m gone. Pete, you’re on Prongs duty.”

“Right-o!”

Sirius rushed off after Remus (another security guard followed), and James was left stewing in his thoughts.

Peter was now solely entertaining the VIP girls, as they had been quick to sense that James was no longer in the mood for a conversation. 

He watched as Lily went over to Marlene, who hugged her tightly, smoothing a hand over her friend’s hair in a comforting manner.

James was absolutely fuming. Whatever Lily had said to Remus had clearly been awful. Remus was a relaxed guy. It would take a lot for something to make him storm out the way that he had.

Marlene handed Lily a cigarette out of her bag before the redhead picked up her coat and headed out to the club’s back exit.

Lily didn’t smoke. She turned up her nose whenever she saw him with a fag in his mouth.

For some reason, this pissed him off more.

Peter was distracted, and before his bandmate could stop him, he darted after her, weaving through the crowded dancefloor in an attempt to catch up with her.

He found Lily, hunched over in the back alleyway, a shaking hand holding a cigarette to her mouth.

For a second, his heart clenched. He felt an overwhelming urge to hug her, pull her to his chest and ask what was wrong. He was a dick for being angry, wasn’t he? 

“What did you say to Moony.”

“It’s none of your business.”

As fast as those feelings of sympathy were there, they were gone, and the anger from before was coursing through him like wildfire.

“Really? Cause Remus just stormed out of the club as if you slapped him.”

“I said it’s none of your business, Potter.” she snapped, turning to him. Her green eyes, ringed with mascara from her tears, were flashing angrily.

“None of my business? He’s one of my best friends Evans, I think I have a right to know what happened to make him so upset!” He snapped back, his voice raised slightly

“For fucks sake, Potter!” She yelled, throwing her cigarette down on the ground and stomping it out with her heal, “I said this had nothing to do with you. And it doesn’t. It’s between me, Remus, and—”

She stopped, catching herself.

“And who?” James questioned 

“And no one.” She snapped, “I told you this doesn’t have anything to do with you. So please leave it.”

“For fucks sakes Evans!” he yelled, “why are you being such a bi—”

He stopped himself. 

“A what?” Lily cried, getting closer to him, her faced flushed red with barely contained rage. “A what, James? Go ahead! Say it. I’m what? A bitch?”

“Lily—”

“No!” She yelled, her voice now echoing around the alleyway. “Fuck you, James. Fuck. You!”

*Click*

The flash and sound of the Camera’s clicking interrupted the fight.

A lone paparazzi stood at the end of the alleyway, having just captured their fight with a single photo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love <3


	4. Spring Rolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is _Naive_ by The Kooks
> 
> hey friends!! I hope everyone's staying safe and healthy. I'm not able to write as frequently so this update took longer than I wanted it to. I'm excited about the next chapter, I had a lot of fun with this one and its really helped me flesh out where I want this story to go.
> 
> Stay safe, wash your hands, and wear a mask!
> 
> Lots of love
> 
> _Chie <3_

“I’m a terrible person.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m worse than Snape.”

“That’s not humanly possible.”

“Seriously. I’m the biggest asshole to grace this earth.”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to start agreeing with you.” Sirius finally snapped, violently throwing an empty crisps packet at his best friend. 

James had been going on about the ‘Lily situation’ for the past week.

It turns out that yelling at the woman who's your suspected girlfriend in a back alleyway wasn’t exactly a great idea, especially when it turned out she was dealing with a serious stalker.

James was the king of not handling emotional turmoil, or difficult situations well, and this past week was no exception. 

Sirius could hardly blame him. The tabloids had been brutal, especially towards her, and this was undoubtedly doing irreparable damage to Lily and James’s already soured relationship. The trouble was he was too worried about Remus to focus on the woes of two heterosexuals that could simply be solved with a bottle of wine and a good shag.

Things with Remus were progressing a lot slower than he wanted. And this whole Snape issue was throwing a roadblock into the already slow-moving path of his relationship.

Remus wasn't ready to come out. And he respected that. Coming out on a world stage was ten times harder than just being out as an average, non-famous person. And if he had to come out under the pressure of someone blackmailing him, that would only make things worse.

Sirius wasn’t used to being the sensible one, the one that handled difficult and emotional situations. That had always been Remus or Pete. But Sirius had spent the past week trying to manage both James and Remus’s emotions about everything from tabloids to blackmail, and he was starting to feel stretched thin. 

Remus and Lily were at odds as to how to deal with things. Marlene and Remus wanted them to get a restraining order, Lily wanted to forget about it.

After Lily and Remus’s conversation, and after Remus had left the club, Sirius had gone after him, catching up with him a few blocks up from where La Chambre en Rouge was.

“Remus! Remus, wait up!” Sirius had called, running after his friend(?) lover(?) honestly, who knew at this point. “What happened? What did Lily say to you?”

“Not here,” Remus rasped, hailing down a cab. He was shaking, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to pull him in, hold him close. But he couldn’t, because they were in public, and that was causing him near physical pain.

The cab ride back to the hotel was silent. Their driver mercifully spoke only french and seemed completely uninterested in the two rockstars that had just hopped into the back of his car, allowing Sirius to grip Remus’s hand in a way he wished he could do all the time.

It wasn’t until they were safely in Sirius’s hotel room, and only after he’d had a long drink from Sirius’s flask did the other man finally speak. “It’s Snape” 

“What’s Snape?”

Remus was still shaking, holding on to Sirius’s flask with a vice grip.

“Remus,” Sirius urged, cupping Remus’s face gently in his hand, “Talk to me. What do you mean ‘it’s Snape.’”

“Snape went through Lily’s phone when she wasn’t looking, back when they were still friends in college. The bastard read through our private conversations.” Remus breathed

“But why does that—”

“After Lily and Severus stopped talking, he began blowing up her phone, demanding that they speak.” Remus interrupted, “Lily didn’t want to, so she kept shutting him down, and things began to turn ugly. One night he threatened to kill himself if she didn’t speak to him.” Remus continued.

Sirius felt like he was going to be sick. Lily’s father had attempted suicide after her mother’s death, and while he hadn’t been successful, he had been left with permanent physical damage and needed round the clock care. And Snape threatening her with that, it was beyond manipulative, it was cruel. 

“After that, he began to show up outside of Lily and Marlene’s flat. He would leave notes for her in their mailbox,” Remus continued. “That’s why they moved, not because of roaches or rats or whatever they told us.”

Sirius remembered their move. He and James had carried out Lily's bed frame.

“But what happened to bring you into this?” he asked, his confusion and anxiety over the whole situation mounting. 

Remus let out a breath, breaking away from Sirius’s grip and laying back on the bed. “Because he’s read our private messages, he knows I’m gay. He started to threaten to out me when he realized he wasn’t getting anywhere with Lily. You know her. She’d do anything for her friends.”

Sirius just stared down at him, feeling like he was going to throw up. “Christ Moony. Why is this all coming up now?”

“It’s been ongoing for nearly four years, but he contacted her again after he saw her in James’s shirt.”

“Prongs is gonna beat himself up over this big time.” Sirius realized, pushing his hands into his long hair. “I mean, I know it’s not his fault that the bastard’s crazy, but he’ll blame himself anyway.”

Just then, Sirius’s phone rang. Out of breath and sounding, like he had just run a marathon, Peter was on the other end.

“Padfoot? we’ve got a big problem.”

“What, Peter? Kind of in the middle of something right now.”

“I turned my back for one second! One damn second! And prongs has gone off and had a row with Lily behind the club.”

“Okay, that’s a big problem,” Sirius groaned “my night could not get worse.”

“Oh, it can,” his bandmate chuckled darkly, “cause they were photographed by the paparazzi while having said fight.”

“Fuck!”

That was why Sirius was now feeling like he was being pulled in ten directions.

And why James had spent the past week holed up in their flat, watching gossip videos and reading tabloids. And that wasn’t good for anyone’s mental health.

Remus just refused to talk about the situation. Anytime Sirius would try and bring it up, Remus would start snogging him, and Sirius wasn't one to think with the head on his shoulders.

Lily, well, he wasn’t exactly sure what Lily was doing. But if Marlene’s reports were accurate, she was doing exactly what James was doing. 

“Prongs mate, you look like shit.”

“Thanks, Sirius, your commentary about my appearance is really helping the way my week is going.”

But James did look like shit, and he knew it. 

He needed a shower and a shave. He hadn’t shaved since they got back, and his stubble was getting out of hand.

The problem was he hadn’t been able to tear himself away from his laptop for long rough to take a shower. Every minute there seemed to be a new article popping up, somehow managing to re-hash his and Lily’s fight in fifteen different ways.

The photos of them were awful.

There were plenty of blurry photos, but the one that had stopped the fight was crystal clear.

Lily pointing an accusing finger at his chest, green eyes flashing angrily. 

His arms were thrown up in exasperation and anger—a similar expression to hers on his face.

Rumours had been swirling, spreading faster than a California bushfire.

It didn’t help that the YouTuber who had been paying him special attention in Montreal had put out a video titled _'I split up a famous musician and his girlfriend._ And while she hadn’t used names, it was pretty clear who the video was about, especially since she had posted photos of her sitting on his knee.

He only wished that had been what their fight had been about. Because no matter what way you looked at the situation, James was at fault. 

He had been the one to provoke Snape in the first place, it had been his shirt she had been wearing, and it was him that went after her when he shouldn't have.

He was at fault. And he was kicking himself for it big time. He’d tried to apologize numerous times, but she was actively ignoring his texts and calls.

“Just go over and talk to her!” Marlene had finally snapped after his fourth time calling her in one day, “For fucks sake, I’m tired of dealing with you both!”

Sirius seemed to agree, “Just go talk to her, mate.”

“She doesn't want to see me,” he grumbled, clicking the next drama video that popped up on his recommendations tab.

“And I don't want to see you either. But you have to deal with this.”

“Why are you so sensible?” James asked, turning to Sirius. “Really, I need _‘let's drown out all emotion with triple sec and sambuca’_ Sirius. Not _‘i’ve been shagging Remus Lupin for two weeks and now give good advice Sirius’_ ”

“Okay, one of those titles is far less catchy than the other.”

“Are you going to be helpful or not?”

“I am helpful,” Sirius snapped, tossing a prawn cocktail crisp at his head “you need to get off your arse and go talk to her. Even if she screams at you or won’t answer the door, you can at least say you tried.”

James sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. He didn’t like when Sirius made sense.

“Fine.” he relented, getting off the couch and going to grab his car keys off the hook by the door.

“Oi! Wait!” Sirius called 

“What?”

“Shower first. You smell like wormtail's suitcase after tour.”

* * *

She didn’t like this.

Being alone.

And most of all, when things are her fault.

Because this was her fault at the end of the day.

And she wasn’t used to being at fault for things.

She had so wanted to blame Potter. Make the root cause of this issue his problem and not hers. Find a way for the fight between her and Severus to be his fault. But she should have seen it sooner. It was her fault she didn’t see what he was.

Their own fight? That was her fault too. 

She was the one that screamed at him. All he had done was ask what happened, and she caused a scene in an alleyway. How professional Lily, how bloody professional.

She spent how much time chastising him over his behaviour, and she had acted like a child.

The blowout had even managed to work its way into her personal life. 

Tuney was having an absolute aneurysm over this. 

She had left several nasty voicemails on Lily's answering machine, berating her about how much she had embarrassed the family. How this was distracting everyone from her wedding and Vernon’s new promotion.

As if the tabloids would ever report on Vernon.

 _‘Walrus gets a bigger paycheque,’_ the headlines would read.

But Petunia and her bitchy antics were the least of Lily’s worries.

She hadn’t heard from or seen anyone in the band aside from Remus in a week, and Remus wouldn't bring up anything to do with the band. She couldn't imagine how angry the rest of them were with her. She was still trying to convince Marleen to have her contract with the band terminated, but Marlene had refused, insisting that they try and work things out. Lily wasn’t sure how that could be possible.

The tabloids had been going nuts, cooking up saucy and dramatic tales of heartbreak, infidelity, and even drug use accusations.

One paper had even reported that she was dating James but pregnant with Sirius’s child. Did these people not have better things to do with their time?

The worst was one paper that had begun digging into her past. She’d had to relive her mother’s death and her father’s suicide attempt through the pages of a trashy newspaper.

The photo of her and James screaming at one another in that back alley had permeated the front page of the Sun for days now, and that blasted YouTubers videos had only fanned the flames with her storytime.

She was so used to seeing her face in online news articles she wasn’t able to open her laptop without getting sucked down a rabbit hole of gossip videos and news stories. 

The only plus side to all this was she had been able to get a ton of writing done. She had zoomed through nearly three chapters of her book, though she wasn’t sure anyone would want to read it now.

What little standing she had with the Marauders fan base had been blown to pieces, and that would no doubt be catastrophic for anything she attempted to publish.

Worse still was how much extra stress this was causing her, especially when the stress of Severus and his stalking was already weighing on her. 

While she had changed her number, the fear of Snape finding her was hanging over her head like a dark cloud. 

She swore she saw him everywhere.

When she went to the shops, she found herself looking over her shoulder the whole time. 

She had even begun to imagine that the same car was constantly driving past her flat.

Marlene had tried to convince her to go stay at her place, but lily was a picky sleeper. That’s why she had so much trouble on tour. She needed her own bed to be completely rested.  
Even still, she had taken to staying inside. Only going out if absolutely necessary. She was currently waiting for her most recent Thai food delivery.

So what if this was the seventh time ordering Thai food that week? Pad Kra Prao made everything better!

The Thai restaurant she ordered was one of the few that could deliver straight to her door, as her building had a partnership with the restaurant’s food outlet. It meant she didn't have to leave her flat.

The sound of voices outside her door drew her away from her notebook.

She always checked who was at her door before she opened, now more than ever. 

But she was surprised to see James taking a picture with the Thai delivery guy (his name was Marty, she’s seen him so much she knew his name now) through the peephole of her door.

She watched as he took the delivery bag and waved goodbye to Marty.

But he didn't knock.

Instead, he set the bag down on the floor and began pacing, shaking his hands and head.

Lily knew this routine. He did it right before he would go onstage to psyche himself up.

She opened her door, though he was so focused on his routine that he didn't notice.

“Are you stealing my spring rolls?”

He jumped, turning to her. 

“Oh, umm. No, I—”

“Why are you here, James?” she interrupted 

“To talk,” he admitted, handing over her takeout food. 

“To talk?”

“Err yeah?” his hand jumped to his hair, but he immediately brought it back down to his side. He knew she hated when he did that.

If it was any consolidation to her bruised feelings, he also seemed to have been battered by the headlines.

His normally bright hazel eyes were dulled by the deep bags underneath, and his scruff was longer than he usually let it get. He was also wearing his glasses, though he usually did when they weren’t touring.

She sighed. Her stomach was rumbling, and she knew that old Mr. Filch across the hall was probably eavesdropping right now. Fighting in the hallway was not a scene she wanted to cause.

“Alright.”

“I mean, I can go, I— wait, really?” he looked surprised.

“Yeah, but not in the doorway.”

She nodded him inside. Leading him to her kitchen after he’d awkwardly kicked off his boots.

Lily loved her flat. Its exposed brick walls and large fireplace made it cozy and warm. She had filled the walls with art she had collected during their many trips abroad. Squashy armchairs and chaise poofs were her primary source of seating, while bookshelves took up the remaining wall space.

She had taken great care with the flat’s design, painting the non-brick walls a pastel spring green. She wanted her flat to feel bright and homey. That was part of the reason she didn't want to leave. She loved this place. It had taken her forever to decorate it the way she wanted.

But now, she was feeling self-conscious. It probably looked small and insignificant compared to where he lived.

James and Sirius shared a townhouse in Knightsbridge, and her little flat in Shoreditch was probably a far cry from the luxury they enjoyed. She had been to their house a few times for songwriting purposes, and it was a pretty nice place. The basement pool and movie room were hard to resist anytime they had a party, but Lily had adamantly refused to attend any of their ‘soirees’ as Sirius called them. 

Truth be told, Lily probably could have afforded a bigger place, but Petunia refused to contribute to their father’s care, and Lily was not about to put him in a public home. 

Grabbing a plate from her cupboard, she transferred her food from the takeout box and set it down on the table, still avoiding his gaze.

“How have you been?” he asked suddenly, making her choke on her food.

Lily coughed. She must look lovely. Hacking up food while wearing week old joggers and an old athletic shirt.

“How have I been?” she repeated, “how do you think I’ve been?”

“Right. Sorry, that was a stupid question.” he sighed, absentmindedly pushing his hands into his hair. “I just wanted to apologize in person. I probably should have taken the hint when you didn’t text me back, but—”

“Ignored your texts?” she interrupted, feeling confused. “I never got any text.”

“What?” he also sounded confused. He pulled his phone out and slid it across the table to her, showing a very one-sided chat conversation.

 _Hi Lily, you don’t have to forgive me or anything, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I was out of order and should have just let you be. If you would like to talk about it, I’m available any time._

_James x_  
_12:30_

_Hi Lily. I’m not sure if you saw my last message, but I just wanted to apologize again. Please let me know if you want to talk or anything._

_x_  
_18:43_

_Hi Lily, I’m so sorry for texting you again. I promise I’ll take the hint. I just wanted to reach out again. I’m so truly sorry and just want you to know that._

_x_  
_02:17_

 _Oi, can you pick up a pack of sterlings and walkers prawn cocktail?_  
_03:56_

_Wait, shit, I’m so sorry that was supposed to be for Sirius! Again, I’m sorry for texting and for being a prat. ___

___x_  
_03:58_ _ _

__Lily couldn’t help but chuckle, not only at the last two texts, but the mixup on why she hadn't received them “Potter, that’s my old number.”_ _

__“Your old number?”_ _

__“Yeah, I changed it when we got back. Severus had found my old one remember?”_ _

__“Oh.” he scratched his neck nervously, his cheeks colouring slightly. “Shit. Well, I mean everything I said there.”_ _

__“Even the prawn cocktail bit?”_ _

__“Yeah, especially that, Sirius picked up pringles instead of walkers the tosser.”_ _

__Lily snorted._ _

__“But really, Evans.” He implored, “I’m so sorry. I was out of order and should have let things be. I thought I was defending a friend. I really just made everything worse.”_ _

__She couldn’t help but feel a bit surprised._ _

__“You’re apologizing to me?” she asked._ _

__“Er, yeah?”_ _

__She sighed, putting her fork down. “I should be apologizing to you. I was nasty to you, both in the dressing room and at the club. This whole thing is my fault.”_ _

__“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have gone after you.”_ _

__“James, I’m the cause of this whole messy situation, the Snape incident, our fight. That’s on me. I should have tried harder to talk to you after instead of you coming all the way here. Let me apologize.”_ _

__“How is a stalker your fault? And I was a drunk idiot at the club.”_ _

__“James. It’s my fault. Let me say sorry.”_ _

__“Funny, cause I’m of the opinion it’s my fault.” He retorted, staring her down intensely._ _

__She raised an eyebrow, returning his intense stare “we’re apologizing to one another by fighting to take the blame. We’re hopeless, aren’t we?”_ _

__He laughed, the tension in his gaze breaking while a little voice in the back of her head noted that she rather liked the sound of his laugh._ _

__“We are hopeless.” he agreed, shaking his head and messing up his long dark hair up more. “But I hope you know I’m sorry. Regardless of whether or not you accept my apology.”_ _

__“And I’m sorry, regardless of whether or not you think I’m at fault.” Lily insisted_ _

__“So we’re good?”_ _

__“We’re good.” she conceded. “That was a much smaller blow-up than I expected.”_ _

__“Indeed. Sirius and Peter will be very disappointed you didn’t chuck something at my head.”_ _

__“I still could, wouldn’t want to disappoint the boys.”_ _

__“Ah Evans!” he cried in mock hurt, clutching his heart as if she’d wounded him “after we’ve made up, you resort to violence, should have known better.”_ _

__She laughed despite herself, allowing them to lapse into a comfortable silence._ _

__Both of them feeling better for the first time in a week._ _

__“Do you want some Thai food?” she suddenly asked, surprising both herself and him._ _

__“Go on then.”_ _

__Getting up, she grabbed another plate and set of cutlery, scooping rice, chicken, and spring rolls onto a plate. There go her leftovers._ _

__She slid the plate across to him before sitting back down in front of her own._ _

__“How are you doing though?” he inquired gently, looking up from his food “you know, with the whole Snivi— sorry, Snape situation.”_ _

__Lily clenched her jaw, the familiar feeling of anxiety settling in her stomach._ _

__“I’m not sure how I feel,” she admitted. “Everyone wants me to get a restraining order, but that just… It feels so extreme. And if I do, that might make him angrier.”_ _

__She expected him to argue with her, tell her what he thought she needed to do, but he just nodded, letting her continue talking._ _

__“And I know this involves Remus too, but I’m scared if I do go through with legal action, then he’ll out Remus. And Remus isn’t ready to be out yet. I don’t want to be responsible for that.”_ _

__“Lily, no matter what happens, it’s not your fault.” James insisted, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. “The only person at fault here is Snape.”_ _

__She just nodded, Remus and Marlene’s remarks about James being a caring person were suddenly resurfacing in her mind._ _

__“Everything just seems like it’s falling apart. The tabloids haven’t been kind.”_ _

__He grimaced “yeah. I’m really sorry about that.”_ _

__“Unless you wrote the article about how I’m pregnant with Sirius’s baby, you have nothing to apologize for.”_ _

__“What you didn’t like my writing?”_ _

__“It could use some improvement.”_ _

__“What about the one where you dumped me because of my coke problem?”_ _

__“You always overdo it on fizzy drink, to be fair.”_ _

__He laughed. Lily decided she really liked it when he laughed._ _

__“Touche Evans.”_ _

__She smiled, finishing up the last of her food before moving to grab her plate and his._ _

__“No, I’ve got it!” he insisted, taking her plate out of her hands and bringing them over to the sink._ _

__“You provided me with food, accepted my apology and haven't chucked anything at me yet. The least I can do is wash some plates.”_ _

__She just shook her head. Of course, it took a beating by the tabloids to bring out good boy James._ _

__There was something odd about watching him wash dishes, sleeves pushed up exposing tanned, muscular forearms. Despite having known him for nearly 8 years, this was the most human thing she’d ever seen from him._ _

__His whole aesthetic seemed glaringly out of place in her apartment. His beat-up jean jacket was hung across the back of a dining room chair, and his docs looked at odds next to her collection of tennis shoes and yellow wellies._ _

__“How is Remus?” she asked, watching as he scrubbed the plates._ _

__“He’s okay. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.” James admitted, “Have you not spoken to him?”_ _

__“I’ve talked to him a bit. He checks in. He wants me to go stay with Marlene. They’re both worried Snape might have my home address.”_ _

__He froze, his hands still in the water. Clearly fighting against saying something that he thought might cause a fight._ _

__“And what do you want to do?”_ _

__“I want Severus to disappear to Aruba and never come back.”_ _

__He snorted, moving on to the other dishes beside her sink._ _

__“Aruba’s too nice. What about North Sentinal Island?”_ _

__“I couldn’t do that to the locals!”_ _

__He laughed again. This time, the sound of it seemed to settle deep in her stomach._ _

__“True, the English have already done enough harm to island inhabitants, haven’t we?”_ _

__“Far too much.” she agreed solemnly, “but as for what I want to happen in real life? I want to stay here. I like my apartment. I don’t want to be scared away from my life.”_ _

__He nodded, taking extra time to wash a cup._ _

__“It’s up to you, Lily.”_ _

__“I’m sensing a but.”_ _

__“But,” he agreed, “you need to make sure you’re safe.”_ _

__“I have a doorman.”_ _

__“Who let me into the building because I signed a napkin for his daughter.”_ _

__“I highly doubt anyone wants Severus’s signature.”_ _

__“Lily,” he huffed, looking serious now. “At least let me talk to Frank? Maybe he can work out a deal with your building to put a Security Camera?”_ _

__She mulled it over “a security camera doesn’t sound too bad.”_ _

__“Not too invasive?”_ _

__“Not too invasive.” she agreed, leaning against the counter “now we just need the tabloids to stop publishing my old school photos.”_ _

__“Are you sure? I feel they’ve done a great job chronicling your elicit affair with Sirius.”_ _

__She chucked a tea towel at him._ _

__“Alright, alright!” he laughed, holding up his hands in mock defence, “what do you suggest, media matron?”_ _

__“Media Matron!” she cried in mock indignation “I prefer media maid.”_ _

__“Does that title come with an outfit?”_ _

__Lily chucked another tea towel at him._ _

__“I deserved that one.”_ _

__She laughed, shaking her head at him._ _

__Her brain was working though, cogs turning, trying to come up with a decent way to spin this into a positive media story._ _

__“What if you posted a photo of the fight?” she suggested_ _

__“Posted a photo of the fight?” he frowned, drying his hands on his trousers._ _

__Each of the boys had their own Instagram as well as the band’s Instagram. Peter posted the most frequently. James usually only posted once a month at the most._ _

__“Like you post that picture of the fight and caption it something funny?”_ _

__He mulled it over, leaning against the kitchen counter “wouldn’t that seem like I’m making light of the situation?”_ _

__“You could post two pictures! The fight would be the first one, and then maybe a picture of us looking like we don't want to murder one another?”_ _

__“I’m pretty sure there’s no photo in existence of you looking like you're tolerating being in my presence.”_ _

__She rolled her eyes, taking out her phone and scrolling through until she came across a photo Remus had taken of her sitting at a restaurant in New York, smiling happily at a giant slice of cake in front of her. James was sitting across the table and could be seen laughing at her dessert’s ridiculous size._ _

__“Give me your phone,” she asked, holding her hand out._ _

__He took his phone and unlocked it before dropping it into her outstretched hand._ _

__She airdropped the photo to his phone and saved their fight photo from google before opening Instagram. First, she added the fight photo and then the picture of her at the restaurant._ _

__Looking over her photo, he chuckled_ _

__“Hey, I remember that restaurant. They had those slices of cake as big as your head.”_ _

__“I think you mean your head.”_ _

__“Is that a quip about the physical size of my head or the metaphorical size of my head?”_ _

__“Both.” she grinned, typing out a caption and holding it up for him to read. “Sound good?”_ _

__He raised an eyebrow “we won’t be dispelling any dating rumours with that.”_ _

__“Better than rumours of a bitter breakup. Or discussions of your drug habits.”_ _

__He scoffed, “please, I've only ever smoked weed and that was in Canada and California. I would never break the law.”_ _

__She rolled her eyes. “I’m not your mum, James, no need to focus on semantics.”_ _

__“Don’t tell Euphemia.”_ _

__“Wouldnt dream of it.”_ _

__She hit post, and a few moments later his phone started to blow up._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooh their friendly again? Wonder how long that will last for ;) Nothing like topsy turvy emotions!!!
> 
> Lots of love
> 
> _Chie_


	5. Friendly Dinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is _A Certain Romance_ by the Arctic Monkeys
> 
> Hey friends, hope you have all been well!! I'm not able to write as often as I like due to school and that companion of chronic illness, but I'm never one to leave a story for too long. I've started writing (planning more like) some other fics too but don't plan on publishing those until they are all finished. They are shorter ones, probably only 1-3 chapters in length! This chapter is a lot of fluff and minimal angst, though I have it on good authority that the next chapter might be the angstiest yet!
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy!
> 
> Rember, wear a mask, wash your hands, and keep ya distance!
> 
> Lots of Love,
> 
>  _Chie_ <3

#### Broken up or Back Together?

_When thinking of the English rock band ‘The Marauders’, bad boys and broken hearts seem to go hand in hand. Frontman Sirius Black is well known for his romps, drawing the ire of Swedish Calvin Klein model Linus Sjöberg last spring._

_But it’s not Black that has gossip columnists talking, but rather the bands’ Drummer, who hasn’t been linked romantically since rumours swirled of an affair with Rita Ora, that has fans and journalists talking._

_James Potter’s relationship status has fans going wild. Rumours that he and rumoured Girlfriend (and songwriter) Lily Evans had broken up were spurred by photos of the two arguing outside a nightclub in old Montreal. But just yesterday, the drummer and heartthrob posted a series of pictures on Instagram that seem to contradict that rumour._

_The first photo was of the fight mentioned above, swipe and you’ll then see the second photo of the two at a New York restaurant. The post captioned “Before dessert vs. after dessert. Remember to feed your songwriter lads” has sent fans into a tizzy, trying to figure out if the two are back together._

_Rumours of their relationship first began to surface after the bands’ last stint on the Tonight Show, where Ms. Evans was brought out for an impromptu interview regarding the bands’ songwriting process. Fans were quick to notice she was wearing a shirt Potter had worn in their music video ‘SchoolYard Chants”. The jersey became a beloved token amongst those who follow the English rock band. The red rugby shirt has since become a fashion statement amongst the Mauradors fanbase, and can often be seen in the crowds of their concerts._

_A close source has told the Prophet that the two have had feelings for one another for quite awhile but are still trying to figure out their relationship’s logistics._

_“They’ve been smitten for a long time. But it's hard to fit in feelings around a working relationship. It does help that they’ve known each other for so long. James has been saying for years that she’s the only one for him.”_

_The two have known each other since they attended the University of Edinburgh, where they became fast friends._

_“The best of friends, those two,” our source confirmed, “That’s really where it all started. She was completely charmed by him. He’s brilliant, you see. He got a degree in civil and environmental engineering. And Lily, as a writer, was so attracted to that.”_

_The source did confirm that things had been difficult due to his fame._

_“Even though they’ve been friends for so long, Lily was definitely intimidated by his fame. He always has so many fans and beautiful girls around him it can be hard to compete.”_

_The pair have yet to confirm their relationship, but fans are positively bursting for news about the new couple._

“Their source is absolute shite,” Lily laughed, looking up from the article she had been reading out loud. “Really, if James and I have tolerated one another for so long, please tell me why no one informed us.”

“I’m very tolerable, excuse you,” James called from inside the booth.

“Debatable.” The five separate voices of the band, Lily, Marlene, and their producer, said at once

James thwacked Sirius over the head with his drumstick.

“Oi! I wasn’t the only one!” Sirius snapped, rubbing his head and turning to glare at his bandmate.

“Yeah, but you were the closest.”

“Tosser.”

“Okay, boys, focus!” Marlene interrupted, shooting Lily a ‘don’t distract them’ look. “We need to record backup vocals for Hippolyta, and then we should be able to record instrumentals for Queens Darling. We need to get those done today cause we’re recording with Jacqueline Hygard tomorrow.”

“That’s my cue.” James grinned as he got up from his drum kit and moved to the vocal recording booth.

Jacqueline Hygard was an up-and-coming American singer whose rock elements and vocals were going to make the song Deathly Infatuation a sure hit. Lily was excited because she would actually get to be present for the collaboration. She usually wouldn’t come out of sheer self-preservation and professionalism,

The past three weeks had been amazing. In many ways, they had been some of the easiest she’d had since she began working full time for the band. Turns out getting along with James wasn’t the headache she thought it would be.

Though it did help that he was always on his best behaviour.

Recording an album typically took forever because of how much he and Sirius would goof around.

During the recording of ‘All The Young Dudes,’ Lily had developed Laryngitis from how much shouting she’d done. 

And James had a small scar on his elbow from the time she’d whipped a pair of headphones at him after he wouldn’t stop hitting his symbol every time she spoke.

Marlene had to put them in separate rooms like toddlers. 

But things were better.

Much better.

She actually found herself enjoying studio time, revelling in how well the album was coming along.

The band had really found their sound with this album, pulling from their longtime inspirations and heroes to create a unique blend of new wave indie rock and alternative.

It was like the Smashing Pumpkins met the Clash and got smushed together. 

She’d had the studio demos on repeat, trying to pick out which songs would be the first singles released, and honestly, she was stuck. They were all so good.

“Okay, James Lets start from the chorus, and then we’ll sing through the whole song.” Their producer Kingsley instructed into the microphone, “for the chorus, sing it with a bit of a laugh if you can. I want to see how that will sound.” 

James nodded, adjusting his headphones before mussing his hair up. A nervous tick, he always seemed to record vocals with one hand in his hair.

She hated how good he looked singing.

She also hated how good his voice was.

He didn’t have the vocal reach that Sirius or Remus had, his voice had more of a lilt to it, a bit more scratch and less polish. But he could hold a tune, that was for sure.

He only sang on the album. It was too difficult for him to drum and sing at the same time because of his asthma.

On their first North American tour, Remus developed a sore throat on the last leg of the trip, and James had to sing backup for one show. Once the band got backstage, he’d passed out and was given strict instructions to ‘never do that again, you stupid prick.’ 

She’d felt a bit bad for calling him a prick while he’d been hooked up to an oxygen machine.

But lately, she’d been feeling bad for a lot of things regarding James.

He had earnestly been putting effort into repairing their budding friendship? Acquaintance? Partnership?

Who knows.

Lily found it more challenging to find the old faults she used to place on him.

Arrogance? He was confident and funny.

Self-absorbed? He was actually pretty selfless. She’d seen him stop to talk to fans for longer than needed. His takeaway getting cold as he would chat. 

Uncaring privileged prick?

He was the one that came up with a list of charities to do benefit concerts for and would himself donate more than necessary.

It was driving her a little mad—all these realizations all at once.

When he’d extended that olive branch in her flat’s kitchen, it was like she was looking at a different man.

He’d always been Potter. But now he was James.

And she liked hanging out with James. He was funny, talented, and nice to talk to.

And that was weird.

This revelation meant she had to admit she’d been wrong about him, and Lily did not like being wrong. 

“Alright, let’s sing it the whole way through.” Kingsley said, “remember what key you’re in.”

James nodded signalling he was ready.

She wasn’t stupid though, she knew this newfound friendship could crumble as quickly as it had been built up.

Her emotions towards James seemed to have been put through the washer, spun on high, and then left to air in the sun. She had no idea where her head was truly at.

How do you go from disliking someone so vehemently, to a truce, straight back to fighting, and then suddenly you’re friends and enjoying one another's company, without feeling like your head was going to explode?

Marlene nudged her, breaking her spell.

“Stare much?” the blonde whispered, shooting her a smug look.

“I’m not staring.”

“Pfft, you’re basically devouring him with your eyes.”

“You are so lucky the glass in that booth is soundproof.” Lily hissed, doing her best to ignore the creeping flush that was taking over her face.

“So it took him attempting to kidnap your Thai food for you to start fawning over him.”

“I’m hardly fawning,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “We’ve just established a friendship, and it’s a good friendship.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me know when it becomes friends with benefits.”

“I’d never give the tabloids the satisfaction.”

Remus was no better than Marlene.

He would frequently give her a smirk whenever James drove her home after recording.

But honestly, it was merely a matter of convenience. Remus used to drive Lily home after recording, but because Sirius was mostly staying over at Remus’s and Lily didn’t have a car, James had offered to drive her.

And given the increased level of fear surrounding Snape, it made sense for her to be driven rather than take transit.

At least, that’s what she was telling herself as she settled into the passenger seat of his black Aston Martin.

She had rolled her eyes when he had first bought this car. It was the first thing he purchased after they all received their cut from album and ticket sales.

He’d had a poster of it up in their uni flat, always said it was his dream car.

Perhaps she’d been a bit too judgemental. After all, her paycheque went to paying off her university loans and moving her father to a different care home. And seeing him buy a luxury car has felt like a slap in the face.

She loathed admitting what a nice car it was, even though she immediately switched on the seat warmers every time she got in.

“It’s May!” James laughed as he watched her flip the switch for the warmers. “Why do you need seat warmers on?”

“Poor circulation.” she insisted, rubbing her hands over her thighs.

“More like draining my poor car battery.”

“I hope to god you can afford to get that changed.”

He just laughed, shaking his head before switching on the radio.

They were met with the song ‘Til the End from the Marauders last album.

James grimaced before switching the station.

“What? You don’t like that song?” Lily asked, eyebrows raised

“I do, but I hate hearing us on the radio.”

“What! Why?” He’d been thrilled when they were first played on local radio. So thrilled he’d picked her up and spun her around, earning him an annoyed slap across the shoulder.

“I don’t know. It feels weird and pompous, listening to my band on the radio? Like an actor watching their own movie or something.”

“So you don’t think Leo sits down and re-watches the Titanic?” she quipped.

“Well, I couldn’t blame him if he did that,” James grinned, glancing at her “really, the movie is a masterpiece."

“Didn’t peg you as romance movie guy Potter,” she laughed.

“I’m not. Kate Winslet gets naked in that movie.”

She reached up to slap his shoulder, but he caught her wrist before she could land a hit.

“Hey, no slapping me while we’re driving. If you wreck this car, you’re paying for it.”

She snorted, “can’t imagine how you’d get that money. I have none.”

“I know you spend it all on Thai food,” he teased.

“I’ve switched to pizza for your information.”

“Not much better,” he said, shaking his head. “When was the last time you actually cooked something?”

“Does toast count?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, probably before tour?”

“Lily!” he cried, looking at her in horror. “You can’t be serious.”

“Deadly serious,” she admitted. “I’m a horrid cook. Takeout is just so much easier.”

“Right then,” he said before turning the car suddenly, causing the car behind them to beep their horn angrily.

“James!” she gasped, clutching the dashboard, “what the hell!”

“You, Lily Evans, are going to learn to cook.”

“And who’s going to teach me?”

“I am, of course.” he insisted, pulling into the underground parkade of a Waitrose.

“Of course, you shop at Waitrose.” 

“Zip it, or you’re eating leftover curry.” He warned, pulling on a jumper and putting the hood up. “Do you have a jumper on you? Or sunglasses?”

“Why do I have to hide?” she frowned. She’d been out with Remus plenty of times and never got either of them noticed

“Because your face has been plastered across the tabloids with mine for the past month.” he reasoned, “really, Lily, where have you been.”

“Recording your album doofus,” she teased, reaching out and pulling his jumpers drawstring, “and anyways, it’s May I don’t have a jumper on me.”

James reached around to the backseat, searching through his rucksack before pulling out a black hooded arsenal jumper.

“I am NOT wearing a Gunners jumper.” she immediately protested, wrinkling her nose at the offending garment. “The only club I wear is Tottenham and nothing else. Wearing that would be treason.”

“Aren't you from Cokeworth?”

“Yes, but Da’s from Northumberland.” She explained, “do you have anything else?”

“It’s either this or the sweat-wicking one I wear to the gym, which I haven’t washed in weeks.”

“You’re disgusting, Potter.” She relented, pulling the Arsenal jumper over her head. “This feels so wrong.”

“If it helps, you look absolutely smashing in it.” he teased as they got out of the car.

“I’m going to have to bathe for hours to get all the blasphemy off.” she insisted, though that shower would probably be more needed to rid her lungs of the smell of the jumper rather than the team it advertised.

The smell of cardamom was overwhelming her senses, and she was grateful they were now keeping their heads down to avoid being noticed.

Keeping close to him behind their trolley, she let him guide them through the store, seeming to pick things randomly.

“Are you going to tell me what we’re getting?”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head, hair flopping underneath his hood. “It’s going to be a surprise.”

They made their way over to the checkout, where he chose an elderly-looking cashier.

“The older they are, the less likely they are to recognize me,” he whispered, his breath catching in the hood of her jumper and skating across her neck. It made the hairs on her neck stand up on edge.

She just shook her head at him, suddenly finding it difficult to respond.

“No snappy retort about how the fame is getting to my head?” he quipped, eyebrows raised. “I must say I’m rather disappointed, Evans.”

“I’m trying to lower my snark levels. Doctors orders.” She whispered back, gaining control of her mind again.

“I’m not sure I like this doctor.” He joked as he handed over, “snark is a key part of the Lily Evans I know.”

She just stuck her tongue out at him.

Gathering up the bags, they drove back to Lily’s flat, arguing intensely about Arsenal vs. Tottenham. 

Her arguments might have had more ground if she wasn’t wearing an Arsenal hoodie, but it was warm and comfy, and she didn’t feel like taking it off...yet.

“Alright, Evans, tonight you will learn to cook. Start chopping those greens,” he instructed as they dropped the shopping bags on the table.

“Yes, chef.” she mused, taking out the cucumbers and peppers.

While she chopped veggies, he skewered chicken. It was far too domestic, too comfortable. It made her heart race.

Her phone buzzed, distracting her from the cucumbers.

_Rey moose: Which takeout place did you order from tonight, and do I need to get them to stop accepting your calls?_

_x_

Lily scoffed, taking a picture of the chopped vegetables and sending it back to him.

_The hottest woman (don't change my contact name): Just so you know, we’re having a homemade meal._

_Rey moose: We?_

_The hottest woman (don't change my contact name): Oh, yeah, James was bothering me about takeout, so he’s teaching me how to cook._

_Rey moose: Aaah fun ;)_

Lily rolled her eyes. She could see Remus’s smirk through the phone. But she just shrugged it off. She hung out with all her friends like this. 

“I’m curious, where did you learn to cook?” Lily asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over her tiny kitchen. 

“My mum.” he grinned. “She might have been raised in England, but the greek mama in her is strong. She made sure I learned how to cook so I could make myself a useful husband.’”

“Your mum sounds like a fiery lady.”

“Oh, she is.” he agreed, nodding solemnly. “I’ve given the woman two platinum albums, and all she pesters me about is grandkids. ‘James, when are you going to meet a nice girl and settle down?’ ‘James, why am I not holding a grandbaby right not? Oi vay I’ll die before I ever hold my grandchild.’” 

He put on an exaggerated Greek accent while imitating his mom.

“Wasn’t your mom raised in England?” Lily asked, remembering his mum’s London accent at their graduation ceremony.

“She’s become increasingly Greek with age. She and my dad live there for most of the year now, so her accent and speaking mannerisms have gone full mamma mia. It’s even worse when I go visit them because all the Theía’s come around, and it’s basically a ‘pick apart James fest’ ”

Lily laughed, imagining James surrounded by overbearing Greek ladies. It sounded like something she wanted to see.

“Okay, now come here and watch me make the dressing,” he instructed

She watched over his shoulder and studied how he whisked together the ingredients for the chicken marinade and salad dressing.

“I’ll never remember all of that.”

“I’ll text you the recipe. If you want, my mom could send you some of hers?” he suggested

“Only if I get to also talk to the Theías who critique you.”

“Oh well, now I’m not sending you any recipes!” 

Dinner was amazing. Of course, a man who had everything was also a fantastic cook. 

she was thoroughly enjoying his company, and she was still trying not to hate that. 

If someone had told her a month ago, she would be not only eating but cooking dinner with James Potter, she would have suggested they be committed.

But friendship seemed almost easy with James like it came naturally once she stopped looking for faults.

Lily Evans liked being friends with James Potter.

* * *

James Potter hated being friends with Lily Evans.

It was like she was finally within reach, but just far enough that indicating he had any sort of feelings for her would send her running.

He wasn’t stupid, he knew their friendship was fragile, and if anyone was going to fuck it up, it would be him.

Sirius had given him a look when he got home that night.

“Wow, I didn’t know Lily lived four hours away.”

“We were just talking.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes, Padfoot, that’s it.” James snapped, chucking his boots into the hallway closet

“You sure you didn’t make her dinner?”

James froze. He didn't want Sirius to know because he knew precisely what conversation would follow.

“I got a text from Remus.” Sirius supplied, clearly noting the shock on his friend’s face. “Lily sent him a picture of the food when he teased her about ordering takeout again.”

Blast, he’d seen her taking a picture of her chopping veggies.

“It was just a friend's thing.” 

“And you’re okay with that? It just being a friends thing?” Sirius pressed, giving James a concerned look.

“Yeah.”

“Prongs, you’re a terrible liar.”

James sighed, collapsing into the armchair across from Sirius. “I’d rather be just friends than nothing at all. And besides, we work together, isn't this the best option.”

Sirius studied him, grey eyes boring into his friend. “Okay, but how do you really feel?”

James let out a dark chuckle.

“Remember back in your first year when you realized you like Remus?”

Sirius just nodded.

That had been the worst week of his fucking life.

Still grappling with his sexuality, he now had to come to terms with the fact he liked his friend.

Every queer guy’s worst nightmare.

Liking a supposed straight guy.

It was like torture, being with Remus, yet not being WITH him. It was like he was being taunted by fate.

‘Haha, your life is finally better? You escaped your abusive parents? You’ve finally accepted your sexuality? Let's throw this at you.’

If there was a God, he was a cruel bastard.

And while Padfoot was now lucky enough to be in God's good graces, it seemed Prongs had fallen out of favour.

James had been infatuated with Lily for so long it made Sirius’s head hurt. And he hated watching his best friend go through what he had.

Through secondary school and through their first year of Uni, James went through girls so frequently Sirius had stopped remembering their names.

But then, one day, that all stopped. And Sirius spent weeks trying to figure out what James was going through.

When he’d point out a bird at the pub or in lecture, Prongs would just go ‘That’s nice Sirius’ and carry on.

Sirius felt like a psychologist, and a detective rolled into one. Trying to figure out what was up with his best mate.

Then, one Friday night, a few members of the Ukip students association showed up during one of their parties. Snivellus in tow.

It wasn't unusual behaviour for James to pick a fight with Snape and his goons.

It was unusual for him to throw his phone at the wall after having a fight with Lily.  
He would normally just smirk and egg her on further, rather than desperately try and get her on his side. 

Being besotted with someone who hated you was not a fun experience. But there was also distance.

James never saw Lily unless there was an actual reason. She made sure of that.

And sure, the poor fool probably deserved some of Lily’s ill-favoured sentiments, but Sirius knew from personal experience that being friends with someone you like is ten times worse. 

Because there was more to lose and everything to gain.

And James, despite his tough-guy exterior, was far too emotional to deal with this stuff.

He wore his heart on his sleeve, and Sirius had watched how this friendship with Lily was eating him up. 

“Maybe you should go on a date.”

James shot him an annoyed look, “ah yes, I’m sure Evans would love for me to ask her out. Wouldn't ruin anything.”

“Not with Lily, you dolt!” 

James frowned. “I don't want to go on a date with anyone else.”

“That’s the point! You need to get Lily out of your system and another bird in!” Sirius explained. “Look it's been nearly six years of this, and I’m tired of watching you mope.”

James sighed, leaning back into the armchair, mind racing.

Part of him thought Padfoot might have a point, he had never truly had a serious relationship. Most hookups were a means to an end, release some tension, then go back to pining over a girl who wanted nothing to do with him.

But things were moving, they were friends now. And maybe if he held out they would progress further.

“I’m serious Prongs, it took six years for you two to become friends, and if you want to wait another six years she’ll probably be married to some prick who quotes Guillaume de Lorris.”

“I have no idea who that is.”

“Another reason why you should move. On.” Sirius emphasized “You and Lily are two different people, and you need to find someone who's more like you. Keep your friendship with Lily, but you know, find someone different to shag.”

James sighed, pushing a hand into his hair. “Does Remus feel this way?”

“Yeah he does.”

Sirius chewed on the inside of his cheek, feeling a bit guilty about that lie.

Truth be told he hadn’t spoken to Remus about the current James/Lily situation. But he knew James would listen if he thought Remus agreed, he was logical, intuitive, and one of Lily’s best friends.

This was for the best he told himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no Sirius what are you doing????? 
> 
> We'll find out soon :O
> 
> Reviews are love, they keep me going!!
> 
> Lots of Love,
> 
>  _Chie_ <3


	6. Shock Value

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *****TRIGGER WARNING******** PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ THE CHAPTER!! THERE ARE MENTIONS OF DEATH AND MEDICAL PROCEDURES. PLEASE BE WARNED AND PERHAPS SKIP THE SECOND PORTION OF THIS CHAPTER IF THAT BOTHERS YOU
> 
> The song for this chapter is _Far Too Young to Die_ by Panic! At the Disco.
> 
> Remember when I said I had it on good authority this chapter would be the angstiest yet? 
> 
> Well oops I was right.
> 
> Did I make this too sad? Perhaps. 
> 
> Am I very excited to make this story angstier for our girl Lily? Yes. 
> 
> Am I an evil person? Again, perhaps.
> 
> Please feel free to vent in the comments, they give me life,
> 
> Wear a mask, wash your hands, social distance, and stay safe!
> 
> Lots of love,
> 
> _Chie <3_

May in London was like a breath of fresh air. 

May reminded Lily of the football games her Da’ used to bring her and Petunia to when they were kids. He’d pop her on his shoulders and let her scream her little heart out, aggressively waving the navy and white scarf he’d bought her like a flag. 

May was the best month of the year, in Lily’s opinion. 

It wasn’t the boiling heat that the summer brought or the freezing rain that plagued the city during the winter months.

May’s warm breezes and blooming gardens were Lily’s favourite time of year. She could break out the tank tops and sunscreen without the sweat and stickiness June and July brought. And Marlene was determined to get the albums recording over as soon as possible, so they didn’t have to sweat inside a recording booth for longer than necessary.

Though in general, the recording of this album was going much quicker than last time. In part due to Lily and James’s ability to behave around one another. For the first time in her career as a songwriter, Lily got to be there to record a guest artist. In the last collaboration the band had done, Lily elected to sit out. Knowing that a blow-up between her and James was inevitable, and Janelle Monet was not someone she wanted to embarrass herself in front of. 

But the excitement Lily had for meeting Jaqueline Hygard went out the window as soon as she met her.

Lily had been around enough celebrities in the past few years to know what type of person they were.

There were those who let the fame roll of their back and stayed the same person they were before fame, like Remus.

And then there were those who absorbed the fame and spat it like venom at those around them.

Jaqueline Hygard fit into the latter of the two categories. When Jaqueline’s team showed up at the building, Lily met them out front, holding out a hand to welcome her to London and the studio.

The other girl looked at her hand with disgust before pushing past Lily and into the studio.

Slightly stunned, Lily just followed her into the studio, dreading the time she was about to have to spend with her. The only plus (that had previously been a negative) was that Lily had to leave the studio earlier. She had her bi-annual cancer screening that evening.

Lily’s mother had died from complications of von Hippel-Lindau disease when she was only 45. Von Hippel-Lindau’s disease could sometimes be genetic, especially if it appeared so young in a parent. Because of the hereditary aspect, both Petunia and Lily had to get MRIs and extensive blood tests twice a year to check that there weren’t any tumours or cancer cells present in their body.

They used to go together when they were younger, but now Lily went with Remus or Marlene.

However, this time, their tight recording schedule and the lack of flexibility at the Northumberland Cancer Centre had meant that Lily would have to go alone to this appointment.

For once, Lily was glad for the appointment. She’d rather be stuck in a tight whirring tube and get needles stuck in her than deal with Jaqueline Hygard. 

Lily was used to dealing with divas. Many of the people the band had worked with had been difficult, though never outright mean. And many times, award shows and tv appearances meant dealing with other famous people who had clearly let fame go to their head. But Jaqueline seemed to HATE Lily in particular. Throughout the day, she would blatantly ignore Lily anytime she would speak, or when she thought no one was looking, would roll her eyes dramatically. She didn’t do that to Marleen or Kingsley, though she still seemed stand-offish with them. 

It felt Lily was back in secondary school, dealing with the mean girls who used to drive a wedge between her and Remus. 

The disdain Jaqueline had shown for Lily did not seem to extend to the band, who she greeted with a warm smile and open arms. She fit in perfectly with the band’s dynamics. 

Jacqueline was not only talented but incredibly beautiful. Her face was sharp and angular, with full lips and chocolate brown eyes, her tanned skin was freckle and blemish-free, two nose piercings and countless ear studs were the only things that broke the smooth surface of her skin. 

Her shoulder-length hair was dyed a bright blue, and the tattoos that snaked up her arms fit with the ones that the boys had.

Sirius had the most tattoos out of all the boys, he had two full sleeves, and she had it on good authority from Remus that the rest of his body was covered in ink as well.

Remus had a few on his arms and chest.

Peter only had one on his forearm.

James’s were more sporadic. He had a near full sleeve on his left arm, though his right was only dotted with ink. He was the only one of the boys with hand tattoos, something he’d done to annoy his parents. His back was also sparsely tattooed, though his chest was bare. 

If you asked Lily why she had such an excellent mental catalogue of James’s tattoos? She would definitely not admit to having searched up his topless rolling stone cover a few nights ago. Or that she had spent way too much time looking at the tattoos that peaked out of the waist of his trousers.

Jaqueline fit in with the band so well that her treatment of the others in the room or Lily’s presence was hardly noticed.

Only when Lily began packing up her stuff did the boys seem to remember she was even there.

“You’ll tell us how it goes, right?” James asked, looking away from Jaqueline, who had been trying out his drum kit.

“Course!” She replied, nerves already rising at the thought of the many needles she would be prodded with in the next hour.

Remus walked her to her Uber, a comforting arm wrapped around her waist.

Part of James was jealous, wishing he could touch her the way Remus could. But he swallowed those thoughts, feeling guilty. Remus was her oldest friend and usually went with her to those appointments. He knew how stressful they were for her, especially if she had to be alone for this one.

He’d found out about Lily’s mom in their third year, and the knowledge of Lily’s appointments had always been a great source of anxiety for him. Back then, she definitely would have found it annoying for him to bring it up, so he’d pestered Remus for information at any opportunity. Remus had raised an eyebrow the first time James asked if she was okay when they had returned from the screening center but had humoured him nonetheless. 

“Good luck Lils!” Sirius called, “I hope the doctors hot!”

She stuck two fingers up him but laughed despite herself. She’d been so laid back as of recent and took on Sirius’s teasing with a grin rather than a grimace. 

“Where’s she going?” Jaqueline asked, shooting Lily a look.

“Doctor’s,” James supplied, not wanting to diverge too much of Lily’s medical history. “She’s high risk for certain cancers.”

“Oh, that’s terrible.” Jaqueline frowned. “You aren’t going with her?”

“Nah, we’ve got a tight recording schedule, plus I doubt she’d let me.” He laughed.

“I’d want my boyfriend with me for something like that.”

“Oh!” he realized, suddenly remembering he never mentioned he and Lily weren’t dating. “She’s not my girlfriend. The press just sort of ran with that rumour.”

“Well, that’s good to know.”

“Good to know?” he asked, feeling a bit smug.

“Yeah,” she flirted, a catlike grin on her pretty face. “Good to know.”

Sirius and his conversation from the previous night had been playing over and over in his head. If Remus thought he should move on, that surely meant things weren’t progressing with Lily to the extent he wanted.

Remus was her closest and oldest friend. They told each other everything.

Sirius was right. It was time for him to move on.

James wasn’t blind to the attention he received from women, and Jacqueline’s interest was apparent. More than that, it felt good too. 

She was fit and extremely talented. He got along with her so well, and she meshed with the rest of the band amazingly. 

Truth be told, he’d never had an instant connection the way he did with Jaqueline. They had so much in common, and if he was going to start getting over Lily, she seemed like a good place to start.

“What are you doing after this?” he asked, leaning against the side of the booth.

“I was hoping to go to dinner with a cute guy.”

“Is that so?”

“Mmmhm.”

“Well, have you asked him yet?” he quipped.

“I got the feeling he was about to ask me, actually.” Jaqueline grinned back.

“Rather presumptuous of you.”

“Yes, well, I had the feeling he might be interested.”

“I think you might be right.”

* * *

The sound of the MRI machine whirring around her made it feel like she was stuck inside a jet engine. 

This was always the worst part.

Nevermind the needles she’d been prodded with, the invasive questions or the looks the young nurses behind the desk had given her. Being stuck in a giant metal whirring tube was enough to make her wish she was back in that studio with Jaqueline.

She’d even rather have a Q&A with nurses, whom she’d heard whispering about her and James from behind their little glass partition. One had expressed disappointment he wasn’t here with her.

“I mean, really, your girlfriends getting checked for cancer, and you’re not here with her?”

Yes, well, if James were her boyfriend, that would be rather shit of him, but given they were just friends, it wasn’t that big of a deal.

At least, that’s what she was telling herself.

Because as she was getting her blood drawn, and she was gripping the armchair, she rather wished she was gripping his hand. Which was ridiculous, it usually was Remus here with her, and his hand was perfectly fine.

It was so stupid that she wanted him here. 

They had only just become friends.

But she knew he would probably be making her laugh right now, and that’s what she needed, a good laugh. Because this MRI was taking far longer than usual. 

She’d had so many in her life that she knew how long they took right down to the second.

She knew she had enough time to sing dancing queen in her head six times, and she was now on her tenth iteration of the song.

“Ms. Evans?” the voice of her radiologist, Dr. Ahuja, called over the machine’s PA system.

“Er.. yes?”

“Just a few more minutes, okay?”

“Is something wrong?”

“Not yet, no.” 

“Not yet?”

“We just need to take a few more pictures to rule something out. You’ll be out in a mo’.”

Lily swallowed hard, willing herself to hum dancing queen a few more times.

When the whirring finally stopped, and she felt the bed of the machine begin to move, she let out a breath.

“Mrs. Evans if you wouldn’t mind waiting in the consultation room while we go over these photos?” Dr. Ahuja said into the PA system.

Lily just nodded before padding out of the cold MRI room.

Waiting for test results was like pulling a tooth with taffy. Slow and painful.

It felt like she had been sitting in the little consultation room for hours. A check of her phone told her it was nearly 23:30. She had exhausted her knowledge of Abba’s discography and had nearly drained her phone battery playing solitaire. She just wanted her clothes back. She hated the flimsy hospital gowns she had to wear for these appointments.

Her appointments never took this long.

Finally, the Doctor who had gone over her charts at the beginning of the appointment and the radiologist returned.

“Ms. Evans, sorry for the wait.” Dr. Ahuja said, taking a seat across from her. “I’m afraid we’ve encountered a bit of an issue with your scans.”

“Do you need to take more?” Lily asked, already dreading getting back in the giant metal tube.

“No, not yet, at least.” The doctor continued. “It appears there is a small mass at the top of your neck.”  
The room seemed to freeze.

One time when she was little, she had climbed to the very top of the monkey bars even though she wasn’t supposed to.

Petunia had yelled at her to get down, but her little legs weren’t coordinated enough for her to find her way back to the ground. She’d slipped and fallen on her back, getting the wind knocked right out of her. She lay on the ground, struggling to breathe, while petunia screamed for their mum.

Well, the wind was knocked out of her now. 

And she would give anything for her mum, or Petunia to be there.

“Lily,” Her doctor implored gently, drawing her attention back to the present. “We don’t know if it’s cancerous. Your blood tests didn’t indicate anything, so there’s a chance it’s just a benign tumour or even a cyst.”

“Right.” she heard herself say. Everything sounded hollow. She felt hollow.

“We’ve scheduled a biopsy for this Wednesday at 8:00. So we should know soon, alright?”

“Yes. Right.” Her voice still sounded distant. 

“We’ll get you checked out.”

She didn’t remember getting changed back into her clothes. Or taking the biopsy information packet from the front desk. Or even joining the cue for a cab.

She felt like she was going to be sick right there on the pavement. Lily remembered too clearly what her mother had gone through. The first wave of chemo had been promising. The tumour had shrunk. They operated, it looked like remission. 

Then it came back. This time a bigger tumour, deeper in her brain, this one inoperable even with chemo. Then it spread to her lymph nodes, and she just got sicker. She died within a year of her diagnosis.

Her mom had been in so much pain. She remembered helping her mum wash. She had been too weak to stand. Her father was too depressed to look at or even help his wife.

Near the end, her mum couldn’t even remember Lily’s name. She would just stroke her hair and tell her how pretty she was, how she used to have hair like her. But she couldn’t remember how she lost it. 

Her mum had died when Lily was only 16. And if Lily had what her mom had, she would die at 26.

Lily was so wrapped in herself she barely noticed that someone had joined the cab cue beside her.

And it wasn’t until she opened the door to the cab, shouting her address, did she look back and see who it was.

Severus Snape was stood on the pavement, and he’d just heard Lily say her address.

* * *

Sirius hated Remus’s ringtone for Lily.

The two of them had pre-recorded special ringtones for one another because apparently, they needed to be as obnoxious as possible about the fact they were best friends.

Jesus, don’t even get him started on their obnoxious collection of matching “I heart _insert random city name here_ ” shirts, they got one in every city the band went. 

The ringtone Remus had for her was Lily yelling ‘Pick up ya phone!’ in an obnoxious Cokeworth accent, a running joke between the two from secondary school.

So no, he wasn’t particularly pleased that it had woken him up the night before having to be up at 7:00 for tomorrow’s recording session.

“Lily?” Remus said groggily, answering his phone before sitting upright in panic.

“Woah, okay, calm— are you sure he— okay, right.”

Sirius rolled over and looked at Remus questioningly, but Remus had gotten out of bed and was pacing around the room.

“No, you were right. Don’t go back to your place. You can come here.”

That made him sit up, feeling more awake now.

“No shoot, you're right. We don’t want him knowing my address too. Umm, wait one sec.” He pulled the phone from his ear, turning to Sirius. “Snape found out Lily’s address. Can she go over to your place?”

“Fuck.” Sirius swore, “Of course, it’s probably all locked up cause James is out right now. But there’s a spare key in the lockbox around the back. The code is 2683. Does she know the gate code?”

“There’s a key in the lockbox around back. Do you know the gate code?” Remus asked, putting the phone back to his ear. “Yes— okay, that’s the right code. I’ll be there a soon as I can— Lily? Lily?” 

“Fuck! Her phone died!” Remus cried, throwing his own mobile down on the bed before rushing to pull his clothes on.

Sirius followed suit, jumping up and grabbing his trousers off the chair beside the bed. “How did he get her address?”

“Lily’s appointments are at the same place, on the same days every year. They have been since she was in uni. Snape went with her once, he must have remembered. He heard her say her address to the cabbie”

“What a fucking creep.” Sirius balked.

“Tell me about it.”

* * *

Lily felt like a huge weirdo sneaking around the back of Sirius and James’s house. Mainly because she had told the cab driver to take the most roundabout way possible, just in case Snape was somehow following her.

At least she remembered their gate code. Because she was pretty sure if she hopped the fence, the cops would be on her faster than a peaceful protest.

Gently sliding open the backdoor to their house, she let out a breath, grateful Sirius had been with Remus. She hadn’t had enough phone battery left to call Marlene.

Her head was still spinning, not only from seeing Snape in person for the first time in years but also from her appointment.

She hadn’t even mentioned it to Remus, partly because she didn’t have time, mainly because he was a worrier. And when Remus worried, it consumed him. And they didn’t have time for him to worry.

It wasn’t even confirmed that it was something worth losing sleep over, after all, her bloodwork had appeared normal.

She needed to text Marlene asap. Even if she didn’t want to hear Marlenes ‘I told you so’s.’ about snape, she needed to talk to her; if there was anyone Lily could tell about the appointment and everything that went on tonight, it would be her. She would also need to talk to Petunia, but that could wait until the morning. 

The last thing she needed right now was an angry and tired Petunia.

What Lily really needed was to charge her phone, both to call Marley and text Remus to let him know she was safe.

Slipping off her shoes, she wandered towards where she remembered the kitchen to be.

The last time she had been in James and Sirius’s house, it had been for the album release party for _All The Young Dudes_ , and their kitchen had been so full of people she’d sat on the floor for the speeches, while to boys took turns standing on the kitchen island.

This time it was empty, save for James and Jacqueline locked together, kissing lazily against the counter. James in only his pants, her only in his black Arsenal jumper.

The same one she’d worn the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love!! They keep me going ;)
> 
> Lots of love,
> 
> _Chie <3 _


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